The Girl & The Mother

It was just another day

she woke up shivering from the cold, it was early, 5:30 a.m. the beds were made, the breakfast table set, time to polish all those shoes the lady of the house had lined up in the hallway. It had to be spotless and shiny, without a single mistake if not, the queen behind the mirror would yell, and she had to start all over again and forget about breakfast. The clock was ticking, it was time for school, a five-minute walk, she ran but was still too late.

It is winter, it's cold, she suffers from chilblains. Her shoes are way too small and not suitable for the winter, nor is the coat, she finds it hard to move her fingers. During the break she observes a group of children, one shows how to make fire with a stone. How fascinating. She didn't know that was possible.

3:30 p.m. School is over, she hesitates to go home not knowing what to expect. If _she_ is home she hopes she will be asleep, be in her bed on the second floor.

Carefully, she opens the kitchen door, listens, takes off her shoes and doesn't know what to do next. Is no one home, where is the housekeeper? Is it safe to visit the toilet and go upstairs to her bedroom?

The knot in her stomach is hard to ignore. Softly she creeps through the kitchen and flees into the toilet. How do you pee without making a sound and how do you flush without waking up the monster? The last obstacle is taking the stairs, avoiding those creaky steps, then down the hall to her bedroom. A room that is not safe, but there is no other place she can go without permission.

She screams, yells

the most terrible words the child had never heard. Startled in surprise the girl looks at the woman who is supposed to be her mother. She is dragged by her hair down the hall, downstairs, through the kitchen and thrown outside.

Get out! I will never let you in my house again, she shouts at the unwanted, hated child as she closes and locks the kitchen door from the inside.

It's cold and getting dark.

I will never let you in my house again!

Where can an unwanted child go that knows no one? The streets are deserted and the thick curtains cover the windows of the houses to protect those inside from the cold. No one can possibly see what is going on inside.

I will never let you in my house again! These aren't just empty words.

A mop of pulled-out hair falls from her shoulders as she shuffles barefoot into the narrow alley without a coat or hat to protect her from the cold.

I will never let you in my house again!

What was that terrible thing she had done? She could not remember having been disobedient.

I will never let you in my house again!

There are no abandoned sheds, the trees and shrubs had long since lost their leaves. There is no shelter except for her friend the darkness. The flint could she find one here? She searches the gravel path but finds nothing but a small red-white-blue, a lost marble.

Her icy feet step hesitantly onto the sidewalk. The way to school is not far but she is tired. It's hard to say if she still felt the cold.

Straight ahead past the row of houses with closed windows is the school but it will be closed.

People do not interfere with each other, each one of them has enough trouble to deal with. Someone else's bad child is none of their business.

Was it on impulse that she turned right and rang the doorbell at the house of a classmate, a girl she considered a friend even though she was not allowed to play with?

A light is turned on and the door swings open.

A brushed face, unkempt hair and dirty feet are no reason to leave the girl in terror outside. It is a voluptuous woman, so different from the beautiful person her mother is, who's wrapping her arms around the outcast. Perhaps she does not understand what the upset child stammers about, but she says: Don't worry, everything will be fine. Let's go to the kitchen and have a cup of tea.

That little girl, she knew that it wasn't true, nothing would turn out well, because of her this woman might even be in danger but no matter how bad her life would be she kept feeling that warm embrace of the elderly woman. A lady who showed her on a cold winter night that some doors will be opened if you knock and what a real mother feels like.

16-2-2024

Photos: canvas + me