It's hard to remember the past days if they are mainly the same. 'The same' sounds good to me it means no one bothers me and I can do as I like. I like it that way. It was the only reason I wanted to grow old, get older. To do as I like and to have the right to keep my door closed, not being forced to let people inside, answering the phone. Phone always has been an intruder in my life. I never liked making phone calls and if it rings I don't hurry to pick it up. Those who know me wouldn't call me any way they sent a message and I do the same. It's fine with them and fine with me, we are the same. It's about 19 years ago I had my last landline. I never missed it. At that time it saved me a lot of money. The monthly fee was 40 euros and calls needed to be paid extra. My calling credit today is not even 40 euros a year.
After the house line was gone I took more steps to guarantee my peace, the rest at home. No, I couldn't remove the fighting neighbors but I did remove the front door it's the bell. We never used that door anyway neither did our friends and few visitors. After that cable television was deleted from our lives. The commercials already reigned and sitting hours in front of the set to watch a film of 1.20 hours became annoying. It's hard to focus on a story if every 15 minutes a commercial block of 10-20 minutes shouts for attention. If it comes to that it doesn't surprise me so many can't sit still and focus on something. It's clear to me why whole nations have ADHD and are stressed out.
My children never missed t.v. and till today we have no cable and listening to the radio is a rarity. It's not said the news doesn't reach us but for sure we are not the first who know everything. I never liked gossip and that's why you won't see a noisy me running outside if an accident happened or an ambulance shows up in the street. I mind my own business, want to be left alone and I treat others the same. If it concerns me I accepted a lot, too much, from other people and they accepted nothing from me. It took longer to set and make my borders clear.
I fought for freedom, for myself and my children. That fight took long and we even switched schools several times and moved to give them a chance, a better life. The life we live now is their normal world and what happened back then they forgot. At least they say they did. I hope it's true but I have doubts about it. Out of experiences, I know the past is never forgotten. No, I am not talking about those 'good, old' days but everything that happened to us. Those moments that didn't break us at that moment can break us years later. It's what we see around us if we open our eyes. It's good to live on but wise to be aware of that fact. Small or big issues can break a person and make him snap.
The world, it's good if you are free or I should say feel free and can do as you like. Most of us can not. You need a safe place to stay, money to stay alive, and somehow to be forgotten by society. If all eyes are focused on you, there's always something going on. Most problems in my life were caused by other people. Removing those people was the next step I took. If contacts bring you nothing, only drain all your positive energy away it's time to put it to a halt. Of course, it's not as easy done as hitting 'Del' at your keyboard but it's not impossible. I did it with family, so-called friends, and everyone who manipulated abused me, and tried to break me. Indeed it can be a lonely life what is left but so is being stuck into relationships with abusive people. Miserable I can be alone, I don't need anyone to make me feel that way or... do this to my children.
You might say "You are hiding, you shut the world outside" and that's partly true. I try to shut the world outside but I still live in the same world, am part of the same society. I went out for work, shopping, visiting schools, I am educated, not blind or deaf, and know myself, my needs, and what my children need. We do not hide behind blind walls, discuss every subject and they are free to have built and have their own opinion. As a parent I trust their decision, they do what is good for them. It's their life, their decision, they have to deal with their part just like I have to deal with mine.
Is our life boring? To some, it might be because we live in the country, visit no one and no one visits us. We all, children included, like to be left alone. For sure this can change in the future especially in a world that preaches you need to share, care, stick together, and are pathetic if you prefer to stay single but that world changes and it changes faster than anyone could predict. You are on your own now, have to keep yourself company, company and busy. Why so many aren't able to do so is a subject I discuss with my children too. Old habits die hard and the idea someone else decides for you is a bitter pill to take.
If I have achievements for 2021 it's keeping the peace and harmony within my family. I am glad I won't be around in 2040 and I hope the biggest resolutions, the increase of civil wars will not infect my children. Those civil wars... they started years ago and it's clear to me the world will not remain the same. Those luxury days are over. Poverty increases worldwide, the rich countries are bankrupt or close to bankruptcy and that will show. It's back to survival of the fittest. Each one of us has to deal with it, our life, in our own way. There's no good or bad, religion won't save you, who knows common sense will. Common sense if you are still able to think by yourself and realize your truth isn't necessarily my truth. It's true... the older you get the more view on life changes. Watching the documentary 'The social dilemma' didn't make it any better.
The first week of 2021 is over. January first I made oliebollen and on the second we had no power and water which means sleepless nights and unexpected costs to repair it. Homeschooling started again and my internet connection became slower, close to useless, a child broke through the antique chair, the new electric heather is broke, my eye infections don't cure and I am back on prednisone again but although it is freezing and a strong wind blows the sun shines and I hung the laundry outside wearing sunglasses. This is life, good or bad, you struggle on, survive, and forget as soon as your private harbour is fine again.
I understand you, peace and solitude is my comfort they might say it's boring and all but our lives are ours we will be the ones to suffer the consequences anyway, not them so let us do what we want.