Perfect harmony
Do angels exist? If so, I find them scary, just like clowns.
I don't want a genderless thing dangling in my Christmas tree or in the nativity scene. I used to have a nativity scene that I picked up from the rubbish heap in the street. It was a dilapidated thing without Jesus, Mary or anything else. I bought these figurines elsewhere. I found that stable quite appropriate. If there is no room in the inn but there is only in the stable, this must not have been the most modern stable around. Joseph didn't care and his friend Mary didn't. If you are tired and want to rest you are happy to stretch out.
My grandmother would say: whoever does not honour the small does not ward off the great and I agree with her.
Mary didn't have much rest after the long journey, because the baby was only just born when visitors arrived at that stable. Men, shepherds sleeping in the field because apparently, it was warm enough in December to do so (no white Christmas), three kings and their camels and then a choir of angels. A star showed the way and surely more people must have appeared, after all, the stable was somewhere near an inn, an inn that had no more room and probably no desire to let a woman give birth in one of its rooms.
Would the innkeeper have regretted sending a king's son out on the streets? Would the good man or woman have been pilloried for this? If this is the case, then we will not hear that story. What exactly Joseph's role was is also unclear. He apparently was not the father or pretended not to be. I myself do not believe in this immaculate conception. You don't get pregnant from the air, not from standing on the corner, not from the toilet seat, not from looking at someone, not from wishing, not from angels, whether they are called Cupid or fallen angels, not from Satan, and not from gods either. If it comes to gods they are done, history. The Greek, Roman, Germanic and for many also the 'one and only god. The goddesses were no longer allowed to be mentioned although mother earth is one and it was mother earth who I, at the moment of giving birth, asked to lend me a hand.
Another year passed and again it is my child's birthday.
It's hard to believe how quickly the years passed by. Giving birth feels like yesterday and was in a way unexpected. I say in a way because I knew this child would arrive earlier just like the others. Let's say it's in the bloodline or it is me who wanted it to be this way. Even without any signs, I knew when it would happen, when the time arrived. As the father said Tuesday would fit him I told him that wouldn't be the case.
So, I gave birth the very same evening after I went upstairs to my bedroom, just after midnight. The child born looked like a stranger to me. Some might say it looked like an angel to me it looked like an elf. One of those elves on a set of cards we had, the elf named 'hiccup'. The name hiccup was for a reason. Interesting to mention is that from birth till today this child of mine never seems to suffer from hiccups. How odd is that?
Looking back the delivery wasn't too hard although the midwife was a very unsympathetic lady.
I still wonder why a hostile, unfriendly person like she becomes a midwife. She had more in common with Grumpy and the main thing she did was sit on the floor with her back against the wall waiting after she threatened me angry because I dared to call her out of bed. Indeed that delivery didn't take long, not as long as it takes others and a few days later I kicked her out. That's the great thing about home delivery. You are home and in charge, since it's your house.
While Maria had guests no one visited me. Not such a big deal since I suffered for three days of terrible contractions which made it already hard enough to take care of me, a baby and the rest of the family. It was Maria her first child and my 4th. I assume Maria had to travel on to Jerusalem the next day? It's not clear but the counting had to go on and she didn't travel that far without a reason. Counting people, register them is what is still done today. Within three days after giving birth I had to show up at the city hall to register the newborn, the mother has or someone who was present at the birth. In the last case, you better be sure you can trust that person or your child has the wrong name.
This child of mine was different, special and it came with special names so I went to the city hall myself.
It was a sweet baby. It cuddled and slept with me in my bed but also in the crib if I had some things to do. It slept a lot and it still does if it has the chance which it has not.
It's strange to see as years pass by how children change. For a very long time, it hardly grew and held my hand if we crossed the street. It wasn't always clear if we lived in the same world but it was satisfied till the moment of awareness came. Perhaps later as with other children which was a good thing. Awareness of being different, not being accepted is painful so is being confronted with rude people, teachers included.
Have you ever brought an elf into the world?
I call it an elf and not an angel because they are scary creatures (in Dutch it is 'engelen' and 'enge' which is just one letter difference). I can still see the contented baby in front of me, the toddler playing with the spoons in the kitchen or climbing on the dishwasher's door. There was plenty of playing in the garden with water and listening to 'baby Einstein'.
Time passes unnoticed while we are busy surviving.
Surviving instead of enjoying each other. Enjoying, seizing the day, is hard when you're in survival mode. A lot has happened in all those years. Relocating, three different primary schools, bullying, losing friends and starting over again until a somewhat quieter period arrived where own interests provided enough distraction.
My child no longer plays outside, the bath is still popular and not all interests have disappeared, although the good swimmer never swims again and sport is not a favourite activity.
My little elf is now what they call an adult including a driver's license. Still sweet, helpful and partly in a different world but not alone and although we still cuddle my hand is no longer held when crossing the street.
The great thing about getting older is that you meet people who act and think just like you, who you can meet online too so that despite everything, a new world is discovered and with it new interests. The past two years passed unexpectedly at lightning speed. Strange how it seems like your children always have more birthdays than you. I am curious what family life will look like in two years' time, whether we will still walk the same path or we go our own way. For my little elf I expected that nature would be home but it's not (yet). It even seems that nature will soon be a forbidden area if there is nature to enjoy left at all. My only wishes are my child will find the perfect harmony.
March 25, 2022
