On your own

About today...

Christmas
It doesn't mean much to me although December is the time of the year we spend together. I drive 24 hours to realize that. Twenty four hours in the winter. I sleep in the car for a short time and at times, if we wake up, the car is covered by snow. It means organizing for a few weeks before I leave. The house, the animals, what to take on our way (food, clothes, toilet paper, tea, etc). Lists what to buy abroad, what to arrange, et cetera. These are usually busy days. Exhausted I arrive and immediately I start with my list. The day ends with going to bed early and waking up the next day at 5 a.m. Family, friends like to see me. They do not understand why I am so tired. Tired in between driving, hardly sleeping, cleaning, shopping, cooking, listening to all the stories, and serving others. Sorry, for being tired but you would too if you drive 24 hours and your only break is at the gas station or if I feel dizzy 1-2 hours curled up on a parking lot at the highway. I never sleep well before I leave which means I leave tired. The visit only takes 3-4 days. I drive up and down. In theory, it means only one night's sleep, a few hours. Once back the animals need to be taken care of. I can not just get into bed and sleep for the next twenty hours. I have responsibilities and no matter how tired I am I go on.
This year, 2020 is different. No family gathers together, no Christmas tree. It's silent. A silent day spend in a silent, cold house. I did no extra shopping. I don't feel like it. The youngest... they keep themselves busy and the eldest celebrate without me. With or without mom life goes on. I am no longer a part of their lives. In 2021 they are used to it and forget me. That's the circle of life I guess. Might be I will no longer drive up and down. Most likely the last time is when I move (out of here).

Cake
The child baked one and forgot the baking powder. It doesn't matter it's edible and that's what counts. You can not throw away good ingredients, food. Today I thought again about him much money I wasted on items that are thrown away. Things I gave to someone, bought myself. What is left from it except garbage that will still be there in a hundred years? Strange how we suddenly care once older. I wish I never bought it, said no, became a minimalist year's ago. My bank account wouldn't look that tragic. I managed this year. No loans, debts, I saved a bit although not as much as I intended to and the pandemic did cost me extra money if it comes to buying extra internet to realize homeschooling. I wish that wouldn't end. Homeschooling I mean. It's better for my children. They focus more. It's Christmas day and my youngest makes her homework, starting at 10 a.m. by now it's nearly 4 p.m. Are teachers at work too?

Cryptocurrency
Today is a good day to earn, not to invest. I still had a bit invested and took the profit. It wasn't with cryptocurrency only I kept myself busy with. I checked my bank accounts and buggy banks too.
Happy I am with my free N26 bank account. This account is free, the MasterCard and Maestro card is too. This means I can save myself all those fees the bank charges me every month for online banking, the debit card, credit card, registrations, etc etc. Not spending is still a way to save money and I do need a bit extra for the winter, my winter. The costs of living only increase and for the next years, I stay responsible for my children as well. No job means no income. Cryptocurrencies didn't bring me as much as the year before but I still had a good year. To be honest I never thought I would increase my knowledge and investments this year and make my child enthusiastic about it too.
Next to cryptocurrencies I pay with cash. For a moment I felt as if the banks and government tried to forbid it or make it impossible to pay cash. It's not about covid-19 only but money laundering. That's why there's a new law and we all need to be registered, even the brokers and cryptocurrency sites. It's all controlled by the state. Cryptocurrency increases, it's a danger to the state and that's the real reason. In a state, the government wants all power and control. Anonymous buyers and sellers are unwanted. The money laundry excuse is a great way to control and scare people. Those who are feared, feel big brother's eyes upon him will never (learn how) to invest. They never try something new exception are those who are forced. There's no glory in poverty, nothing to be proud of. If you want to achieve something risks need to be taken and you are on your own.

#kittywu #life #christmas #cryptocurrency