Flea market

Lately, I hurt myself a lot.

I am aware of it too late after the harm is done. I wonder if it has to do with my past or if I am simply getting, old.

Years ago a dentist said: "Teeth are not harmed by pregnancy, you harm yourself. You press your teeth hard on each other at night (instead of grinding teeth)." He might be right. I notice today I do and not only at night.

I hurt myself and each time I do I think of my dentist from long ago which I liked a lot.

My teeth have always been good even though they are damaged after being beaten up for years. Pieces broke off but those broken teeth never hurt me. I guess as long as you are young it all doesn't affect you as much as once you get older.

Visiting a dentist was never as bad as visiting a doctor.

Only once I met a terrible dentist and I suffered from his act for decades. For sure these dentists still exist or are active again. "You rarely see a poor dentist", someone once stated. The dentist I had was not rich. He drove an old car and the vehicle looked like a dented tin can. On rare occasions, I met my dentist outside of his practice room, always if there was a street festival with and... I was always about putting some food in my mouth.

I hurt myself a lot and my teeth are not the only problem.

Each morning I wake up my legs hurt. I wonder if I am the only one struggling with this problem. I wake up in pain because one leg is pressing on the other. The upper leg pushes so hard that the lower leg hurts terribly. I then manage to pull that leg off the other only with the help of my hands. There are also times when my ankles hurt or maybe it is also the veins in my ankles/legs. This then happens with both legs or the upper leg. It takes a few hours before the worst pain disappears.

Going to bed is a crime. The pillow I put between my knees, which can also hurt terribly, legs or ankles does not help me much. Perhaps the lack of fat in my legs is partly to blame? Maybe I should wear pads around my ankles/lower legs and/or knee pads in bed?

I try to remember when this problem with the pain in my legs started.

Perhaps I always suffered from it? Where do you leave your legs when you sleep on your side? Does one leg lie on top of the other, or? For years, I could only lie on 1 side, and yet I don't remember my legs hurting back then.

Why is it I hurt myself? I am not unhappy, I have no worries, and others don't hurt me. Is my behaviour because I still feel like an intruder in this world, unwanted, like on an alien flea market?

22-09-2023

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