All kinds of screwed up

Parents are not perfect and do not need to be.

Young children are forgiving. I remember well how I once thought of all the reasons why my mother was so aggressive and full of hate. No, I never thought that I was the cause of her behaviour. I made up all kinds of excuses as to why she did what she did, and behaved in such a strange and hateful way. I did not do this forever. I am not one of those children who forgives and forgets. I am also not the person who, years later, embraces and hugs the little child that she once was and tells it that it can be there, it is loved. I am a down-to-earth person and I don't like that kind of exaggeration. If a parent does not want their child, there is nothing that can change this. I don't want any child to have a parent who hates him. I have had to live with this for many years and even today it still has its influence on me, on me and also my children.

As long as an abused person is aware of what has happened to him, he will not turn into the same, uncontrolled monster. When it comes to monsters, the interesting thing is that most monsters are not even recognised. They are all wolves in sheep's clothing rather than attacking, aggressive brown bears or vicious growling wolves. The monster smiles at you, strokes your head and as he mistreats you, he tells everyone that you are the problem child and it has to be done to make you a better person.

Isn't it interesting how the biggest criminals usually get away with their crimes? That violence doesn't count when you have money and are famous or when people need you?

Imagine how it feels when you have to live with a monster in your house day and night. If you always have to be afraid because everything you do can lead to the next beating? Ask yourself what it is like when nobody believes you just because you are a child, or a girl, a woman or old. You don't count anymore and especially not if you don't have money, a lot of money. Those who have nothing are trapped in the clutches of a monster who can do as he pleases.

There are many VIPs in history who have abused their partners, children, and mothers, but every time, even if it has been news, it is covered up as quickly as possible. Someone of standing, a well-known countryman or VIP can do what he wants. What was bad 2-5 years ago is quite normal today. Today you can rape, murder, beat someone up and even paedophilia is allowed. Maybe this is what is called freedom today?

All I wanted was for it to stop, and by 'it' I mean the violence.

I know that my mother enjoys seeing how others suffer. Those who know her, watch her face, will recognise her facial expressions unerringly. She would be a good partner for Fauci, although she would probably not do experiments on animals but just on people.

Abuse, and torture is easy when you feel nothing for others and that is the case with my mother. The only thing she feels is her own anger, the pleasure when someone else suffers. She must feel superior.

There are all kinds of screwed up and I am not saying there is nothing worse than growing up in a house where my mother is, but it is something you never forget. No, I don't condone her actions and I don't feel responsible for the grief she causes others. Nor do I apologise. After all, I am not my mother and have been living alone longer than I have been living with her. She left me to my fate and she would not have minded if I had died of starvation and, to be honest, I do not think I would have cared.

I had no plans for my life, or my future and most of it happened to me.

Maybe that is part of the journey of my life, the lessons I have to learn or as an aunt once said: you have chosen this life yourself.

I don't believe in that by the way. Nobody chooses to be mistreated, to be afraid day and night for their own mother or in the house that should be a safe haven.

Not only men are monsters, violent women are also good at mistreating women. There are many around who for whatever reason abuse, harass and kill children and adults, even the elderly. That women only kill with poison is also a myth, a story shared from ancient times. People do gruesome, horrible things and the only reason the behavior is still being curbed is because we delude ourselves that we live in a civilized country.

Civilization is a thin layer of varnish. Civilization isn't really like Hollywood and all those movies we get to see about defenseless women, teenagers and girls being chased by boogie men. In the real world, you can do anything if you're rich or do it secretly. In the real world, there are more serial killers than you think. The real world is full of sociopaths and psychopaths like my mom and "Mr Mercedes" (watch that series if you haven't already). In the real world, nobody cares if you're suffering, abused, or dealing with screwed-up people because everyone has enough problems on their minds and you don't matter. In the real world, many people are hypocritical. They believe the nonsense they are presented with and do not find it necessary to do their own research, whoever believes the lie can later refer to it and say 'Ich habe es nicht gewusst'.

In a video about the history of hatred against Russia (Russophobia), it was said: how did the Slavic people become so stupid? How come there are so many Nazis in Poland and Ukraine when it was the Nazis who wanted to exterminate 30 per cent of their people? Perhaps this is the result of forgetting and forgiving or the urge to belong, presumably this behaviour is more the chance to take revenge because just like the Germans of that time many are more than happy to kill, or commit genocide, racists are just like my mother.

Prompt used: all kinds of screwed up

#freewrite #screwed-up #mercedes #childhood #life #kittywu