The Lack of Viewing People's Soul
One could have made closer friends in the past; but one confide, one felt scared. In fact, currently just started reading "How to Know a Person" by David Brooks, it reminds me of something one never saw. He said, to see another person in his/her soul, and that's something one lacked. Another is the feeling of afraid. Let's explain.
Taking years to learn the skills to make friends, like listening attentively, opening up oneself to make oneself vulnerable, and some other "technique", if you prefer to call it that way, it's easy to make friends. Plus, to make it not a manipulation, being repetitive is one, internalizing it is another. That one manages to do years ago, so that wasn't a problem, and it make one a few friends; and some other friends that leave. But, something's not right. If the "technique" really works to bring them in the first place, what causes them to leave?
In one's scenario, the first is feeling scared. When being with someone for too long and too attentive, one can't control but fall in love with him/her; and if one doesn't want to pursue the other side into a romantic relationship, it creates a conflict. In the end, unable to face oneself rather than unable to face the other person, one shied oneself from them; and they, of course, felt something, and tried to pull back; and with failures, they gave up completely. One gave up oneself rather than they gave oneself up.
And for romantic relationship, as a shy person, one tried to keep an eye on the other side, but can't muster the courage to pursue the other side. And one's brain keeps popping up "plans to get together" or "plans to see each other more" or whatever; and without the courage of course. Worse, it felt manipulative. And worse, when you find someone shining too bright in the room, (s)he will occupy your whole brain, and you can't fit someone else anymore, to bring your attention to them. Even this paragraph, one tried to put it less clear than the original writing should be. Because... (Get away with the because and start putting out actions, bro!)
Combining the two, plus David Brooks's sentences from the book, it's the lack of soul. OK, not lack of soul, but lack of seeing others via viewing their soul. It's the ego that stereotypicize people, it's the inability to not judge people secretly inside while showing interest outside. Yes, after chatting for a few moments one felt curious about them; but the first impression, one can't suppress the brain passing signals like "oh, not with this guy. Oh hey, talk with this guy. Oh hey, this girl is beautiful. Oh yeah, this guy looks interesting, maybe he had lots of things to share. Oh yeah, this guy/girl looks utterly dull, boring, and kept looking at his/her phone without taking an interest in the surrounding. Should one even approach? Or would it be a waste of time?" As If... As If making friends is a productivity activity! Thanks David Brooks for bringing such blind spots to the spotlight!
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