I wouldn't say it's easy, and while I don't know what I fall for at the level of my anxiety threshold.
I must say that it is not easy to wake up at five in the morning after loving the sun rising on the sky sill where the colors hang.
However, while the distance between home and school is only a ten-minute walk, I would always set the clock to five just for the sake of studying, and I must admit that my eyesight was deteriorating with my five-eyed eyes and my tiny body, and of course, my dear chemistry teacher.
I was a quiet kid, quite good and obedient, and an affectionate cheeky, and that's all I did: study and spend the day with my school classmates with my playful disposition. Don't get me wrong, because all I did was stand on the teacher's bench during breaks and shout:
"I love everyone and you."
Of course, I had the danger of falling while going up and down the podium with my chubby legs, and then I spent a lot of effort to erase my footprints.
I just felt the need to love something and someone, and I didn't care if I was often ridiculed.
And our busy schedule.
While I was a preparatory student, I had warmed and accepted studying without realizing it, and how I missed the song of the late Barış Manço, although I was not a little angry, after all, I wasn't doing anything wrong when I was associated with the adjective "donkey".
My school was my everything, after my family, we weren't considered a very peaceful family anyway, and for whatever reason, I would leave the household to themselves and run to my room. Music added a lot to me, and I would turn my cassette player all the way up and ignore the noise in the house.
It wasn't easy being the child of an educator family, actually my late father was a difficult person and it was quite oppressive, almost two or three minutes late from school, our people would call the principal directly.
My classmates were indispensable and we three buddies had a great time. Ah, I wish I had listened to the lectures wholeheartedly, but there is puberty in the air and poplar winds are blowing on our heads.
Life has always been good, a little difficult for me, but I was a happy child, and I was sane enough to understand the importance of education, if we do not count my pranks.
And the most popular boy in the school and I was caught in a feeling that I know the name and I don't know myself, and after a long time I realized that; it was called love.
No, my dear friend from the next class knew about it too, but she didn't show it at all, and here was the formula for happiness:
Love.
Friendship.
Love.
Bit of no use.
Four eyes.
And I was a foolish child called a nerd.
A little bit of mass and puberty had given its first fruits and I had started an incredible hunger strike and had already lost thirty kilos by the time I reached high school.
Even though I wasn't obese, I had an appetite, and it was undeniable that I loved to eat, and thanks to my classmates and authoritative teachers, whom I believed loved me, I gave up on one thing: eating.
Was this easy for me?
It is not easy at all, moreover, there was an insidious danger waiting for me in my later years, whose name I do not even want to mention now.
The first years I met my soul and now I have taken food out of my life and my education life on an empty stomach and I graduated with certificates of appreciation and good grades.
I have always loved to read, in this sense, I satisfied my hunger with education and love.
Everyone loved me.
It hadn't even occurred to me to ask otherwise.
Although I had given up on eating for my classmates, and I was so accepting of them that I never questioned whether I was loved with my child mind.
I didn't have a social life outside of school, so my friends and lessons and music and my dreams were of course very precious to that child I loved as a child.
Did I get through the end of high school or did I cover university?
Everything was like ripping my socks off and school was over, I was a university student.
Everything seems like yesterday and I am the one who has not been replenished even once in his life, believe me, I don't understand what enters my dreams either.
