The roads I live on are laden with mines and I'm dancing in the minefield

On the first day of November and waking up with hope for the week and the day…

It's a joy that backfires because the roads I write and live on are laden with mines and I dance happily in the minefield and every time I step on a mine, my heart stings, but because I never pity myself, I continue to write and walk, never minding the danger of losing all my limbs for a lifetime.

Is it my share of an oppressive universe?

Seeing my mistakes in the first place is now my mistake, and while I already knew my biggest mistake from day one:

The life that I hold on to only with love, in this context, I chose a branch for myself and landed on it. Want an example?

Well then:

First of all, the person who first made me feel love with the analysis of my childhood:

My dear and deceased grandmother, I was officially in love with the woman and how she made me swim in the sea of ​​happiness with the honor of being my first playmate and I discovered the greatness of love while I was revived in solitude. bond.

While this has already been the starting and ending point of everything, and I approached every emotion, every object and every person with love.

I will not talk about my love of writing and my love of humanity, but the negativities I have experienced in my ongoing life are necessarily the difficulties reflected on me by people I naively believe in.

For example, when you live in another house for a while, come and fall in love with your house.

He was also prominent, this love of mine was the end of everything.

I was fired from my job when the official who placed me in the last foreign language course I worked before suddenly became hostile to me and changed my course hours without my knowledge and put me in a difficult situation.

And a before and a before.

How can I admit that I have experienced countless disappointments, after all, the bombardment of excessive love in me has always been strange and unbelievable to people, in this context, those who slipped out of my hands and my wasted life, my overconfidence, belief and love for something or someone suddenly exploded as a result. has put him in the situation.

To stop loving?

I have done that, of course, in the end, of course, I zeroed in on my self-love and came to the point of hating myself, that link between me and life was severed, and I came to the point of suicide, so to speak, thankfully that life and God embraced me with one last move.

I can honestly say that I am a good person, and it is my share, like everyone else, to strive to be a good Believer with all my heart.

Tired and unhappy.

We're done and lost.

It is possible, after all, the world is not a garden of paradise, but if I push all the troubles aside, I must say that I feel happy by going from the details hidden in the moment to generalization with a wave of enthusiasm and hope that suddenly overtakes me.

This time, I doubted my love for people and found myself judging myself harshly, but this time I was not sure whether I loved myself or not.

The day started normally for me and while there was a lot of work waiting for me and I wasted this day, I sat at the head of the table one night and my whole life flashed before my eyes like a film strip.

I remember hundreds of people and troubles that I crossed when I was a student, while working and in my private life, and while I was trying to make everyone happy...

And my private problems that I will never talk about, and for whom did I own them?

When I say a family environment where discipline is at the highest level, when I say my school that I loved when I was in my second prison, I said that I went to school where there were impossibilities in the following processes, I volunteered and even made money like crazy. never, but somehow making money has sunk into me and for the sake of my dreams I spread wings from different branches to another and finally found myself abandoned and broke...

In short, dear friends…

Even though I have forgotten my yesterday, the day and history repeat themselves and my love and hope are questioned somehow, the word of course comes back to what or who I fall for, and I only blame myself, but up to a point...

I can be anything.

As I am not everyone.

I can sense many things, but while I am aware of my nothingness…

The respect I have for life, maybe anger and resentment, and while I was dipping both the bag and the pen into myself, briefly...

While the possibility of getting somewhere and meaninglessness is meaning and the love I feel is never a lie, regardless of the subject/whoever it is, and while I end my lifelong delusion and talk only with my pen, and in this context, while I am sincere and hopeful in the bond of heart I have established with you...

I am writing because…

Is it a rematch of life or that I'm disqualified?

Is it the end of love or my struggle to exist in every heart where the pen is read with the enthusiasm of life that I embrace in the space of love, and of course the subject gets deeper and I grow love at the Divine level and I have thousands of reasons to find myself and my Lord in the depth of my human love, is it all I want in life and I do this? Even if you haven't decided yet...

I am writing because…