It was the earliest hour of the night. When I couldn't find anything to linger on in the house, I had no choice but to leave myself in the arms of the streets. While the lights of the city were illuminating me, I threw myself into the first tram, hoping to meet you. The calmness of the interior clearly gave me the freedom to have where I wanted.
I was sitting by the window. I soon realized that the trolley stood at its very end, staring at me in eerie silence, showing no signs of life. In spite of you, I was only imitating, honoring your existence, keeping you alive in my void.
That moment when the walls of my mind were able to keep it fresh at any moment suddenly came to life in my eyes. On that day when the sun turned into rain and my skirts were friendly to the winds, I had slipped through the gap of the tram that would close at the last moment. I was sitting in the first place I found, with my soaked cat limp. In the corner was a young man covered in dirt. Only I had noticed the distance between sitting on the sofa in front of her and getting up, without her even knowing it. He passed by and hid in a corner and did not raise his head all the way through the blue stripes. In the midst of all the hustle and bustle, I was beginning to watch the pose of a middle-aged woman. There was something about her that I couldn't understand. It was as if he had covered all parts of me that he had not shown to anyone but me. In spite of the hustle and bustle of the crowd of people, as if proud of his strangeness; she was calm, quiet, and wise. We were getting closer and closer to each other.
Was it me who closed the distance between us, or was it him or was it time itself that bound us together?
Instead of making words speak in order to understand or explain, our eyes were enough to reveal everything. He was now within my breathing distance with his short stature, his old wrinkled coat covering his huge hips, his widening toothy mouth against the moles on his face, and his slightly contorted gaze. I could feel his breath in the shiver of my arms.
My rain-washed hair began to sway with the hot winds of his breath. In a short time, it was replaced by roasted straw. While I was hiding my self in amazement, whoever was around us was forgotten, left at other times and continued on the road. I had embraced him as if I had known him for many years, not even bothering to ask for his name. Whatever he said, wherever it took me, my feet were ready to accompany me without question.
I thought you'd come back in the days you left,
Of the few letters you wrote to me,
our love for each other,
I felt there was something more than love.
I don't know if you remember but
I've waited for you for years
You wrote that I knew you would come to me one day.
It was a sentence that was too big for me to explain, there was waiting and love in it.
I am my teacher with your love,
I threw myself into the abyss.
Do you know the abyss,
Don't know, never come to that point.
And you went
Promise to return.
We found ourselves hand in hand in an ancient garden. My stature was shortened and my clothes had also shrunk. There was a soul inside me that just wanted to run.
Carefree, hassle-free, careless "Don't run, you'll fall." he told me.
Surprised to hear his voice for the first time, I stumbled and covered my fallen knee in blood.
When I wanted to cry, I tried to figure out how to cry. He helped me and pinched my flesh, leaving his purple signatures. All of a sudden, all of its glory was gone without a trace, like rainwater seeping through sewer pipes and flowing underground.
With the strength of the pain, I left the woman and her wisdom there. While the cooling deserts of anger were burning inside me, my legs, which were running nonstop, matched with the old cries, suddenly stopped my legs, the weak tree without a single leaf that I was passing.
“Wherever you go, but don't run! Didn't I tell you, don't run, if you run, you will fall." said the woman who grew up in my childhood, panting.
"Who are you? Let me go! I want to go back to my own age!” The answer came out of my mouth.
Only a contemptuous smile covered the folds of his soul. At that moment, a whirlwind of anger came into my eyes that would imprison everything belonging to the earth. When I turned my back, holding on to the red of my knee and carrying the little hope of light in my heart, with the slowness and stability of an ant in my heart, I bumped into a giant full-length mirror. The mirror, which had been wobbling for a long time in order not to topple, finally regained its balance.
“Slow down! You almost killed me."
Although I could not be sure from whom and where the voice was coming from, my self, which was now ready for the normality of everything, stuck its gaze into the heart of the mirror. Just like in the fairy tale, I asked without hesitation:
"Mirror mirror, tell me, is there anyone in this world more beautiful than me?"
I repeated my words again and again with no response. This time, the mirror, drowning in laughter, showed me my present age through the misty clouds of its annoying laughter. Suddenly, I felt my body with my hands and wasted my childhood in the second chance given to me. After the little girl who was running fast, only the traces of the lost roads remained. The woman knew how to remind her of her existence as well as forget, and sneaked in unexpectedly when I least expected it. He took both of my hands in his hands and let them go at once, clapping their hands together. My mind stunned as if slapped; rubbing his cold arms, he found himself in the hectic human traffic on the tram.
Now you were before me again with your same creepy wise womanhood. Instead of fear, I yearned for you. The longing to finally be reunited flashed in my eyes. Wherever we were going, my legs were already ready to hit the road. And walking without running.
