I haven't written to you for a long time. Actually, I haven't thought of you for a long time. I stopped watching you. The last time I saw your face in love season was the day of the lottery. Then, whether I call you repentance or intend to be without you, I have embarked on such a path. I took a break not only for you, but also for the article. Writing used to be a way for me to endure life and its challenges. I was throwing away the accumulations inside me by writing. I was struggling with the troubles in my soul by writing. The thought pollution that has been accumulating in my mind these days just invades my brain and passes. However, I can't, I'm having trouble, I can't stand all these experiences.
It was good for me to talk to you for a while, even though I knew you would never hear or answer. I was pouring my heart on you, not on a blank piece of paper anymore. I spent twelve years of my life with you. If we say what I got, I can say nothing. Nothing... Yet you were nothing to me. You have always been a comrade, a confidant. He talks to himself or some people know that you understand him more than anyone else, you were actually myself.
I really need myself right now. We are going through a difficult time, most of all, my own hard time makes me tired. I have a very serious process ahead of me. In these days when my fears are growing, my nights are nightmares and my days are passing by in a drunken state. Nothing inspires me, velvet. Life loses its meaning. Like you lost your meaning. It's not your fault, velvet, I shouldn't have meant all that to you. Believe me, I regret a lot of things.
I can't believe that I had feelings that weren't going to happen, that I tried to include you in it. Well, when a person clings to a dream in order not to fall, you were that dream for me. Maybe who knows which truth you followed. I wonder what your reaction would be if I showed up one day and told you everything that happened. I had this thought before, then I lost my courage and luckily, I don't think I can handle more frustration.
I know what it's like when someone you've never met suddenly becomes the most important person in your life. But I don't know how to be the most important person in the life of someone you don't know. You didn't know that, you didn't know.
I forget my words.
However, they are also sulking.
I'm not the only one to blame
People between us, stable meanings,
Stretching your century-old skin,
Books that make belly fat in reader,
Bying down on the cold floor of the hallway,
A heart whose edge is bent to bring me down enters.
Which one else should I count?
It can hear it from afar!
I no longer have a desire or a purpose to report. I just wanted to write to you what is going through my heart today. Or let's say I put what I have in my head on this paper on your occasion. I don't know where you are right now, what business you are busy with. I hope everything in your life is as you wish. I hope I will be fine when I get through this difficult process in front of me. I'm not afraid of things getting worse. But if the time has come, it will be over. I'm trying to be ready no matter the outcome.
Maybe I won't be able to write to you anymore after this. Maybe I'll go back like a stapler and hug you more...
As I said, life is quite difficult right now. But do you know, velvet, I started with you when there were wars, progressed when there were earthquakes, went away when there were epidemics, and burned when there were fires. Let's not say that it does not affect the world's troubles affect all humanity. While what will happen tomorrow is unknown to all of us, I think that the apocalypse of the world will turn us upside down.
Goodbye for now, my velvet. Wait inside me until I come back again. But don't get on the tip of my tongue. If I can't say his name, it is above all my fears now.
