Even though it is morning, the sun is swirling above me with all its burning. I just feel like it's on me.
I bring my hands to my head.
There is a warmth of flame in my dark hair.
My scalp is tingling.
Like a giant star that has sworn to kill, dry and wither whatever is breathing, living and living.
I'm getting a little angry.
For a moment, I see him as a mad killer who does this consciously and tries to take revenge on the living. It's a mood similar to my anger at people.
It burns my skin, it hurts. Maybe it has nothing to do with the sun. I'm bored today. Before my hair catches fire, I immerse my head in the salty, warm waters of the sea. Salt water is running out of my nostrils into my nose.
I'm hurling a wholesome curse inside of me. When my feet touch the sea floor, there is no problem in filling my throat with water. But I'm a long way from the shore. It's kind of annoying to cough as if my throat is tearing while my eyes are burning.
My feet wobble up and down in endless space. I rub my burning eyes with my hands. I guess I panicked a little. Not important. There is no one nearby to appease me. I have to take care of myself. I think of children who, after falling to the ground, look around and stop whining when they can't see anyone. I am laughing.
Infinity still attracts me. I swim as far as I can. What if I get tired right in the middle of the sea at a point where the coast, mountains and civilization are not visible? How do I feel? Agitation, fear, desperation, loneliness… Emotions that a person has experienced many times in his life. It's like living.
It's like staying in the middle of life. I say 'oh' in a way that I can hear How do you even manage to think about that here? One day you will drown, not because of the waves, not because of the water in your lungs, but because of these incessant thoughts. I'm beating the waters like a bucket of the thoughts that I'm trying to get rid of my mind. As the thoughts slowly drift away, suddenly there is the sound of an engine.
I squint my eyes, looking for the source of the sound. A small boat, fifteen meters offshore, is driving away with loud music. One of the seasonal compositions of famous pop singers. There are already two or three songs playing constantly in all the places I have visited since the beginning of summer. I'd rather hear the overwhelming sound of my thoughts than hear these songs. I'm having a hard time understanding people's habit of listening to loud and meaningless songs in their personal cars.
You are in the middle of the sea! As I watch the boat go away, I pass by someone swimming like a fish fluttering in nets, and I don't know whether it is a man or a woman in the scattering of water. It's the first time I've seen a person swimming by punching water Maybe he's trying to kill his thoughts too. It slows down as it approaches me.
“Brutal dude,” he says with a grimace. A woman who I guess is in her mid-fifties. Good morning he says politely. I reciprocate. He has a bonnet on his head, glasses and a rather vigorous stance for his age. She's wearing a black one-piece swimsuit that will never go out of style. Lying on his back, tired. The blue bead on the left ankle catches my eye. I love details like this. She has an eggplant purple lipstick on her lips. I'm smiling. After swimming on his back for a while, he takes off his glasses. Without looking at me, as if talking to himself:
"The sea starts here, I don't understand those trying to swim on the shore."
I just want to say something, yes, those words are coming out of my mouth. He has a tough stance. I'm just saying, do you live here? He stares at the shore again, without answering for five or six seconds.
“I am a native, yes. Even those who do not know how to swim can swim in this water, there is no wave like an aquarium today. They lie like sheep in the sun. I don't know what they understand by burning like a Marsik."
I'm smiling again. He gestures towards the shore with his hand. I say they don't see you. He continues to raise his hands indifferently. He starts talking like I'm not there at all.
“What can you sleep in the sand, man, what do you know about burying yourself in the hot sand!”
“Your wife? “I ask.
“We have been married for thirty-five years. She's been sleeping since the day I got married. He goes a day without moving. Don't touch it, it will lie in the sand until the evening!”
I'm holding back from laughing. Eye on the shore, without looking at me:
"Are you married"?
I mean no, I shake my head. Just like other women who got married and regretted it, don't marry, he will give his speech, now he tries to put on his glasses.
He says, “The water is very good, enjoy it, it will be impossible after two weeks” and slowly walks away. I lie on my back and look at the sky. Azure. Now neither the boat's engine nor the woman's strokes are heard. After standing still for a while, I head towards the shore. A light breeze begins. With the effect of the breeze, I reach the shore in a short time. Good timing, I say to myself. The waves are starting to rise. I throw myself on the sun lounger where I left my clothes. The plastic sunbed was warmed by the effect of the sun. Sitting and getting up are one thing. While trying to lay the towel on the floor, the wind picks up speed. A white hat comes flying at my feet. A male voice I don't know where it came from:
“Miss girl, will you get my trouble hat and put it on my head?”
This is a man in his fifties, buried up to his neck in the sand, who I think is the husband of the woman in the sea. He smiles with a very pleased face to be in the sand:
"Sorry, the wind has blown, this sand is of no use if it's out before half an hour."
"Get well soon. What's wrong with you?"
She smiles again:
“Actually, I don't have a diagnosed disease or anything. I feel better under the sand. I don't like swimming at all. I don't know what these people know about going into the endless, invisible water, what is in it is unknown. Is there anything like under the hot sand? My wife also loves the sea. It opens as it opens. Well, don't go, something will happen to you, and no one will see it. He doesn't listen to me. But he's a very good swimmer, huh. Whoever says it is mine will stone the swimmers.”
I like his cheerful and self-confident demeanor. Contrary to her, it is evident from her relaxed style and cheerful demeanor that she is not at all bothered by her husband's skills in swimming and even that she is proud of her abilities. His eyes sparkle when he talks about his wife.
“He comes early in the morning and doesn't come out of the water until noon. Come to me too. I dont go. It is said a lot. It was said this morning. Well, what should I do? He feels safe there. I'm under the sand. I am a land man, the seas are not for me.”
I'm not saying that I just met his wife at sea. I just smile without saying anything. Maybe he thinks I don't understand him. My eyes dive towards the horizon, forgetting that the man is there. Other things come to mind for a moment. Images from the past. I'm startled by the man's voice.
"Anyway, ma'am, I won't hold you back, thanks." After saying that, he places his neck well into the hot sand.
I get up from my seat and reach for my bag. It's twelve o'clock. I think I'd better get home before the sun gets stronger. My morning anxiety subsides. I go to the shore and clean the sand stuck to my slippers and feet in the white foamy waves.
When I look at my feet, I think of the woman's blue beaded red thread carpet.
Now I have only one thing on my mind.
To become a blue beaded state.
I'm smiling.
