I loved everyone around me like an angel without sin
My feelings have no name anymore.
I don't have a name either, only flying adjectives are hidden around me, and even though I'm not in sight, I've always been a target for people.
my silence…
My battle with myself.
That's why I can't take a step beyond my self-respect, and I'm alienated from self-love because I equate love with being loved.
I succeeded in playing games and dreaming, then starting school and learning to read and love books, even the profession, which is not even remotely related to me.
I liked the bank corridors because banking as a profession is my choice even though it is wrong.
I liked everyone around me: from the manager to the tea shop.
To be respected as much as I am respected and to:
Dignity comes first to me because I accepted in advance that I was loved.
Then I transferred to the teaching profession and loved my students like crazy, and thanks to them who understood true love, I had hundreds of children and being so loved in my life was the golden key to heaven for me.
My reproach is not actually my reproach myself.
A cluster of clouds surrounding me.
Diluted time.
My twitching eyes.
Numb ghosts…
Maybe I should have loved the dead the most and know that I already love them, at least they are close to me, at least it is known that I have suffered with them and they never hurt me.
Maybe my father's death brought me closer to me because I was a miserable child who was given orders and questioned constantly, and whose every action was easily judged, but I was given the impression of a happy child with one hand on oil and one hand on honey, and my every wish being fulfilled.
While you can go to the best schools.
On top of that, I took private lessons at home and got acquainted with the piano, and then private teachers would come and go when I was preparing for the exams...
Happiness is hypothetical, dear friends.
Happiness is immeasurable.
People are also relative.
Sadness or joy.
People and love...
Loving loving.
Loved delight.
That I was loved by everyone, even though I had accepted it in advance.
The long corridors hidden in my head and the incessant pacing.
Sometimes, when I can't go a long way in my fight with myself, I desperately reach out to people and want to talk to them incessantly, and even a word that will come to me from them is my treasure, many other sentences that come back to me.
What I heard in my ear.
They hit my face.
Closing doors.
Whereas, the Creator who opens the door and allows me to enter through that door.
And while I am purely asking people's permission to love myself…
Maybe it is the dear writer who is right, who accompanies me and as he emphasizes:
It's too late now. The taste of pain and love. It was the most beautiful. Always wanting to die and keeping myself afloat. That's just what love is.
So why am I writing?
And here is the dear author with whom I met on a common ground:
I write to come to terms with life and death.
While wandering around the slope of the uncertainty to which I was assigned, the roads I had to traverse and so many mountain peaks and here is my capital that offers me to me and to the whole universe, which matches my pen-popping temperament, which I escaped as a pen from the cocoon of nothingness where the wind attacked me.