Uncertainty Leads Me to Where I am Now

High school is said to be the best part in a person's life. It's the time where you are free and worry less. But have you experienced to be in doubt where to go after? or what you will do after high school? I did too.

My high school is a bit memorable. A bit because I transferred from one school to another. But, it was okay. I am a solo person. I don't hang out much with people, and if I do, I did it just a little bit to give respect. I spent my free time in playing RF online. It was a popular game during my time. When I get home I prepared dinner and cleaned the house. It was a routine. I knew back then that O got some talent, no matter how aloof I was, I can easily adjust to people. I can talk with them even if I just met them recently. I can draw, I can paint. All I know was I was like jack of all trades. I did things that were necessary. It was my gift I guess. And that's how I survived my high school days.

Months before graduation, my fellow students were busy applying for scholarships and looking for schools where they can build their dreams and succeed. Me? I wasn't sure. I was not even sure if I can go to college. I may have good grades but one thing I knew, we can't afford any college that time. It was hard that's why I never thought about going to college. Instead, I was scanning and looking for job opportunities. That way, I can help my siblings to go to college one day.

Then a tragedy happened that changed me. It schocked my life entirely. I saw my grandma hanging in the ceiling. A supposed to be party that I had to attend to became the saddest funeral I've ever had. She had her reasons but one thing for sure, it's about MONEY. That time, I promised myself that no one in the family will suffer anymore because of money. And so I decided to give a shot in taking the scholarship at UC for seamanship. I was almost accepted but I failed the final exam and interview. Maybe it wasn't meant for me. I woulf love to be an architect or engineer but we don't have the means to pursue it. I have a frail body so my parents wouldn't let me be a working student. So there, I almost ran out of options. Suddenly, someone told me to try to go to CTU-Argao. Tuition was less, the location is not that far, the environment is friendly and I thought I'll give one last shot. If I get accepted, I'll go to college and if not, I'll find a job.

I top the entance exam. Yey! But it's nothing though. I still felt empty. Little did I know that when I top the exam, someone caught my attention. the Student Affairs Office's Dean, Mrs. Pinote. She was a major key on what I had become during my college days. She was the one who led me to the pioneering Cerge M. Remonde Foundation Scholarship Program. I took the process and luckily I got in. It was purely luck for me because the President of the foundation forgot the most important question that I wasn't able to answer when she asked me about it during the induction program. She said, if she didn't forget the question and I answered the way I did, I wouldn't be part of the program. For the first time in my life I went inside a blessed and prayed there. Thanking the Almighty Father for the great opportunity and promised Him that I will not waste the opportunity.

It was a proud moment for me that I made it in. I can now study without worrying my parents about my tuition fee. The program shouldered my tuition and miscellaneous fees. I had nothing to worry about anymore and just study. The program wasn't the only opportunity that I got. I built a name for myself too.

When I was in high school, I was just a nobody, but in college, I became someone else. I became Mr. Reliable. I was the smartest in my class since almost all of my classmates weren't sure about our course. Some of them did not have a choice, the others failed their first choice and the rest was trying their luck.

I was the one who made projects for my classmates, in return, they paid me. I wasn't that bad, after collecting the payment, I bought them snacks. I just left a little for myself. Am I good in doing business? I wasn't thinking about business that time. All I knew, I was helping them and at the same time helping myself. I felt like Cinderella who came from rags to riches. I even ranked second in the entire IT department from 1st to 4th year students. It was a very successful year. Not until my second year days.

I struggled a lot during second year. My plate was full and I couldn't handle the pressure. I wasn't my usual self. I drank a lot. I played around. I wasn't studying in advance anymore. The never been late was always late. I almost failed my majors. It was the darkest in my college life. Still, I managed to be on top but not the same as before. I was embarrassed. My mentor told me I could've been a candidate for suma but after what I did, it's probably not gonna happen anymore. I regret what happened of why I did those things.

Third year days was like my payment for the bad things I've done. I persevered once a again to regain my form but it was not enough. All I could do was to save what was left for me.

When I did my OJT, my mentor told me thst I could've a chance for magna, only if I will get a 1.0 or 1.1 grade for my OJT which was hard enough to get. But I used that as a motivation. Why do I need to do everything for that grade and for that distinction? It's because, the scholarship program will give rewards to latin honors. If I will become a magna cum laude, I will have the chance to fly to hongkong and macau foe vacation and a staycation in Tagaytay. I pushed myself too hard so that I will have that opportunity. It's already in my hands but it almost slipped awat that's why this time, I'm gonna do whatever it takes.

It told my supervisor about my situation and he just told me, "follow my lead ans I'll reward you." And so I did. Not knowing that what he meant was night out life every end of the week. He wanted me to drink with the boys from afternoon to dawn. It's all I should do. No matter how tired I was. I endured everything. When I got my grades, I was happy yet I was crying.

I indeed flew to Hongkong and Macau. Stayed at Tagaytay but it didn't made me really happy. I was able to redeem myself but to what expense?

Life is a choice. We do things as we please but nothing stays the same. The moment we realized that it's not good for us anymore, it may be too late or it will cost a lot to bring ourselves back. Just like what happened to me.

How was your college life? Are you in the place where you see want to see yourself from what you had imagined? What does success means to you?