What's Vertigo?

Anyone whose goal is 'something higher' must expect someday to suffer vertigo.

What is vertigo? Is it Fear of falling?

No...

Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which ,terrified, we defend ourselves.

My first time experiencing vertigo was while turning over in bed in the middle of the night.

After securing a death grip on my bed sheets, I remember panicking and thinking, "How can it be so quiet?" Surely a natural disaster is happening! I looked over at my husband, only a few inches away, to see if he was okay — he was sound asleep.

So was that just the most vivid dream I've ever had? I'll just finish turning over and go back to…"WHAT WAS THAT?"

This was no dream. I was experiencing so much motion, and I couldn't tell if I was moving up, down or round and round. I felt terrified — even though I was clearly safe in my bed.

I realized it only occurred when I moved, but the feeling was so real that I couldn't stop myself from grabbing the bed frame. It seemed almost disabling to feel like I had no control over my own body. My anxiety was through the roof. I kept thinking, "Can I drive? Can I walk upstairs? How can I live my life feeling like I'm about to fall?"

I don't think anyone can truly prepare themselves for what vertigo feels like. But, I do think that knowing what I know now may have helped damper some of my initial panic.

If you're experiencing vertigo for the first time, you may have some of the same questions as I did.