I have never seen anyone but you so desperate to make me happy by understanding my words, writing, emotions, tears. You have never mistaken my mistakes. You used to say, ‘Listen girl, you’re so beautiful in my eyes!’ I’ve learned to keep myself beautiful just for you. I wouldn't do a thing I can't talk to you about. I have thrown away every bad habit of mine since I fell in love with you. I'm never afraid to make mistakes with you. You were the man I had the freedom to make mistakes. It takes a person to live in this world, to whom mistakes can be made without hesitation. That man of mine is disappearing from my life.
I'm afraid to get married, I'm scared. He will never accept me like you. No one else in the world will accept me like you, nor will they be able to do anything. I am crying in these ways. Life feels so much easier when you are with them, no one else finds it so easy. You are the only person who understands me, who can push the world aside to keep me happy. Life is going to be very complicated, I understand it clearly.
You are the only person who eats with satisfaction without any complaint, even my inexperienced cooking, clumsy hand cooking. I know you eat my cooked inedibles with such greedy eyes! Tell me, is there anyone like you who will love me with all my faults? I am crying a lot to write this. People say that love makes people cry. While my life testifies, my love never made me cry. I never had to cry for you, but I learned to live for you. So today I can't accept this separation at all.
I never wanted to make myself perfect, you made me perfect. As soon as my mother, brother and sister get a chance, they are busy trying to prove me wrong by making all my mistakes. I am afraid to make mistakes with them. I can't be normal in front of them. You are the only one who has never tried to catch me wrong. You have accepted me with all my faults and right. He loved me like a mother, loved me like a brother, kept me close like a father's shadow.
What I need when, how easily you understand everything! Who has ever understood me in this way, who will ever understand? My future groom is always busy to catch my mistake. I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I can't go on like this, I can't go on like that. I can never be like myself in front of him. I have to hide myself from him, I shudder to see his call, I am scared! How can I live in a house where everyone is busy purifying me? I don't really understand what text to send in this situation. I may not be able to write anything neatly, everything is going randomly!
You know, I love my father so much, I want him so much, no other animal in the world knows this except you! Who knows me and the man inside me except you, tell me? Believe me, I don't have to hide myself from you at all. I think you are me, I am you. We are like mirrors of each other. Why hide in front of the mirror or perfect yourself? My mirror is leaving my hand.
Honestly, Babu, I have never held anyone like you in my arms. No one has ever been able to fill the void left by a father like you. Neither do my brothers. I never thought of myself as full until you came. I have always felt strangely incomplete. I felt full after you came, I felt rich, I saw myself as beautiful a hundred times more than before! I will no longer have any responsibility to take care of myself after you leave.
You never felt imperfect when you arrived. No one has ever been able to make me so happy in this life, no one has ever been able to make me laugh so much. You are like life to me. Sometimes it seems, dearer than life! You are a very dear mother! I can't live without you! If you want to stay, you will feel like a half man again. Will think again, I'm not alive. Absolutely all the desire to survive will disappear! You are like a whole life to me.
I found the whole meaning of survival after I found you. My creativity has multiplied since you were by my side, since I learned to think it. You are a shelter, a dependence, a man to rest as a dependent --- at least for me. You're leaving, I'm half human, half human. You taught me to live, only you! There is no one else behind me who has contributed to my survival.
Put me in a corner of life, I know how to tidy myself, I know how not to hurt others. I have never opened myself to anyone but you, never matched. Everyone is greedy for a little happiness, I got the light six times in my life while living in the dark! I want to keep. I really want to keep you in my life. I need you. I need you. I think I was born to create, not to be in a corner of the house. It's something I've learned to think and say about responsibility since you came into my life.
To you I am safe, reliable, secure. I go to you to see the whole of myself, and if I go I can really see. Never thought of talking to you until today. I know, I cook really badly, but I love the way you always eat ‘wow wow’ with satisfaction! No one in my house has ever tasted my tea, never said I could cook. I never cook for them out of fear. They keep talking to me all the time. But I am very happy while cooking for you. I have never eaten with so much contentment in this life except you. Feeling we have 'Run out of gas' emotionally. Never feel bad about yourself when you're around.
When I go to cook something, they all come up with a thousand kinds of mistakes. I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it, it's not right, I am like that, I am like that. Every time I go home once a year, I have to listen to it every day. You have to be afraid all the time. I can't live without you anywhere in the world without you. This may be my failure. That's why I keep myself very separate from everyone.
No one has ever shown me such compassion as you, to be honest, no one has! There is a good man in me too, it is one that no one has ever said, honestly, no one has said, seen, understood. What a child you are! When you come to me, you become a child. Why, maybe you don't even know it yourself. And I become like a big man, I just rule you out. But I am a man who takes thirty people to rule! Except for you, I will never accept the words of anyone else in this world without words. I listen to you all. Absolutely everything! I wouldn't believe it if I told anyone in my house. You are my man, whose rule I am anxious to obey! All my disobedience rates come to you.
We never had a fight, isn't it? Of course, if the two of them accept everything, what else is there to quarrel? We both support each other in a weird way, never having to tell anyone. Naturally the two of us got into each other. We didn't have to say anything, we didn't have to show. You never tried to impress me, neither did I. Yet it is as if we have entered into each other's minds. We have been mirrors of each other for the last one and a half years. This is a very rare occurrence. Really rare.
I feel strangely depressed now. It seems that in front of my eyes I see myself ending silently, smiling! He doesn't even want to think about what's in front of him. Just wanting to hug you. Today you wanted to keep yourself right again and again. I saw. None of you can escape my gaze. Today I wanted to immerse myself in you like a feather.
Well, we have nothing to do?
I wanted you to feel more and more today. I thought, why waste this little time in the sparkle of words? I won't be able to feel my man for long. I was crying today. I can't cry in front of anyone, but I can in front of you. I don't know why today, I tried so hard in front of you but I couldn't cry. I was trying my best to keep myself normal.
We have nothing to do? We can still stay. I'm here now. We are not bad. I am very well. There is no wall of hesitation between the two of us. If you say, never leave me alone, but why the house, society, world for you, I can leave paradise with a smile. If it so happens that the two of us can't leave each other, then if our creation and happiness, both of them, suffer some loss, then we will stay together no matter what. If we see that the loss of the two is increasing at the same time, then we will be different. In fact, life is not as difficult as we think. It is not our self-sacrifice, but the self-purification of both. When I leave, when my madman makes a mistake, no one will see him.
Show you some screenshots? Our first-sighted conversation. What we talked about the day after our first visit. You know, I haven't read a drop in the last month and a half. I was suffering from a terrible kind of indecision. I couldn't tell anyone, I couldn't tell you. I could not reach any conclusion myself. Now I have only one decision: I can't live without you! You stay with me, we'll win everything right, see. Please, don't we go? We're here, aren't we?