It really hurts when you are willing to give everything and the other person takes everything for granted. And you can do nothing about it, nothing to get evaluation from the other side. Nothing can change the way the important one sees and values you, not even your son, not even your tears. To choose someone over someone else that was more honest and loyal and then get nothing back hurts so much because you were willing to give up everything just to be with the person you have fallen in love with, the person you have trusted the most, the person you were convinced to spend the rest of your life with. Just to find out THIS person is nothing you have considered to be.
I’m feeling so miserable, so powerless right now. NEVER fall in love with and addict. Because that’s nothing more than daily regrets, tears and realization how you have fuc..d up your life. He/she will always choose anything else over you. And I mean heroin, fentanyl, crystal meth, cocaine whatever local dealer currently disposes of. There will ALWAYS be something more important than you. Your dreams will be nothing and just your own and you won’t get any help from the other half. It doesn’t matter how much you are trying for both of you. It doesn’t work like that in real life. You can’t fix anything that has been broken by someone else. You can’t NOT doing drugs for someone else. It will never be your responsibility to change someone’s other life even if you try your hardest. You can cry, you can threaten with anything and nothing changes. EVER. You are all by yourself. And you don’t deserve pity of self-pity. Even though it doesn’t mean a shi.. Eventually, it will suck the life from your veins.
