The Thing that Scares Me

Having fears is totally common and fine for an individual. I don't really get how people say that they are not afraid of anything because I believe that we all have weaknesses in life and it doesn't matter if it's the simplest thing or the most dangerous thing in the world. I think that those who say that they are scared of anything are the ones who are ready to face the fears and the ones who are ready for anything, even if it's completely new to them.

Ever since I was little, I have had my parents by my side. Up until I transition to college, they were having a hard time allowing me to find a job. I thought they were just really scared since when I moved to the city, they were completely strict with me. I don't really mind about it because I always know that everything is just for my sake. When I was in the province, I wasn't really that allowed to go out, except if it was for school purposes with my friends. Well, I'm the only girl in the family and in my mom's side of the family when it comes to the grandchildren so everyone has their eyes on me. I am not that forced to have good grades but I know already in myself that I would be such a disappointment if I ever get a bad grade. When I had one, my mom didn't really scold me but what I noticed is that she didn't stress me out more so I went calm and cool when I had the other half of the semester. I love people who adjust themselves towards a situation, instead of blaming others.

Asians have this tiger parents thing. Although I didn't experience that type of thing because my parents were not really angry, even in the most problematic situation in our family, I am really sorry for those kids who had experienced it. I have seen a lot of students or working students or even those who already graduated and are working now who are being forced into a job because they have to deal with the bills. I know that as a child, we all want to help our parents when it comes to responsibilities involving money but being stressed out both physically and mentally is not really a good thing. It is not always about the fact that we all want to make a living but what is going on inside of us. Not everyone will be on your side when the time comes or in the times that you want to release the fits of anger inside so it's not uncommon for people to lose their minds. There are many people who think that depression is just a joke when it's not. People who keep telling that are the ones who are a joke. Not because you didn't experience it doesn't mean you have to be blind about it.

Anyway, what really scares me is the fact that I don't think I'm ready for work. I have been doing my best to learn the programming languages I have to know because there are a lot of competitions after college and it's kind of stressful. I can't force myself to know everything in a short amount of time because it will not help and the knowledge will not really be up in there. I haven't worked for a programming company before so I think it will be hard for me to justify the fact that I can code if I were to be put alongside someone who has a 10-year of experience in that field. I had an exam once where I had to make a chat app. I wasn't hired obviously because I lack the skills. I can re-apply now but I'm still learning. It's hard to learn something that is beside the lessons we learn in school so I was not able to do learning as much as I do now.

I am afraid that I won't be able to help my mom with the bills even though I am really trying hard. It's also hard to put a promise to someone you really love because there is that slight kick in you that you are afraid to disappoint that someone. The bills are getting high and it will be hard for me to get a job that pays the bare minimum. I know that we will all start from the bottom but we all have to set the standards high because the stakes are high.

If we don't put that much effort into something, we will not receive what we want to.