When I was a kid, I didn't feel that my father is not a good father towards me. In fact, everything he says makes sense and I totally believe in it. We didn't have that much bond but I can say that if we do, I can still remember every moment of it.
But it did change as I transition to college.
After high school graduation, I got really scared since I was moving to a city that is very new to me and I had no one else since I don't know anyone in there. I also took irregular classes where I have to sit in classes that is totally different from my field except on my major subjects. But at the same time, it was a great experience for me since I know I can't always be inside my comfort zone. Everyone has to embrace change to be able to reach that goal. I have to say that the reason I got into that university is because of my father. I know my mother doesn't really like the fact that I am going to the city but she wants me to pursue a degree in a place where there are a lot of opportunities, so I think that's what made her say yes.
From the moment I step into my college life, I admit that I was so focused on my studies that I forgot what's really happening in my family.
The first thing that really didn't make sense as I have to live in a dormitory instead of a house where my father lives. He's not a threat since he never laid his hands on my mother so there's nothing wrong if we live together under the same roof. Actually, the dorm I was staying in belongs to my grandfather so it's also a safe place for me, and all my rooms on that floor are occupied by women so another safer feeling. I don't talk too much since I don't want other people to think that I am a sort of "pick-me" girl so I just let them talk to me first before I talk to me. And that is my biggest downfall.
As I don't like to question things most of the time, I suffer a lot.
I already had people messaging me, saying that my father had a lot of women during the times I was still in high school and as I went to college, he started to live under a roof with one woman. I didn't believe in any of it until I realized that the woman already sent me a message before. When I found out, I confronted the woman but instead of realizing the wrong in the situation, she just went with it and just live with it.
I didn't even get a sorry from my father.
Cheating is always a choice. And it hurts when you already have a family.
After what my father did, my trust issues went higher. I always feel like every time I got a chance to talk to a guy, I will always end up getting hurt so I don't attach myself to guys anymore.
I don't like to flirt, even on social media sites since I know that they are all lying. I know that you don't always have to believe in everything you see and hear on social media and it's always a problem.
I'm trying to build that trust back but it seems to not heal.
I may just live the rest of my life by myself instead of having a partner who will just love another one.