We always have that moment where we just remember something and we either cringe or just laugh that we did that. I know a lot of people who actually enjoyed their childhood and are grateful for what they have experienced. I also do know some people who want to just restart their lives because of the terrible things that happened and I was one of them.
I did a lot of horrible moments back then and I really regret doing most of them because I didn't get to enjoy the moment, not because I was not participating or doing something productive, but because I have people who judge me because of my physical appearance and my inability to join their preference. I really don't know how people live every day knowing that they are hurting someone, or maybe they didn't know that what they did hurt someone and they just didn't care about it. It is hard for someone like me to be bullied at a young age because I thought I was doing better. The worst part is that I didn't receive any care because when I told someone, really close and I really love, that I was being bullied in school, I was victim-blamed. That is the point where I just stop talking about my feelings to anyone because I will just get more hate about it. I do have times where I want to share some of my experiences with somebody but there's always a kick in the mind where maybe they will not listen or understand what I'm trying to say.
One of the things that fascinated me about going back in time is that I will relive a moment I always wanted to. People can actually be with their loved ones who are already at peace now and just listen to their stories and watch the stars at night. I was 10 years old when my grandmother died and it was one of the most devastating things that I witnessed. I didn't understand most of what is happening back then and there are moments that I just realized just now. Like the fact that my uncle was not obliged to somehow get involved in my grandmother's therapy and cure to the point that I resent him for doing that. He made a point that he paid for my grandfather's medicines so it's time for the other siblings to pay for my grandmother and I just know that I felt like he didn't really care about his own mother. If I just knew what happened, I could have done something. I could have sold some of my clothes to be able to pay for grandma's medicine.
Moments like this could have been different if we just looked at the bigger picture. The past and the future have a basic asymmetry: the past is a collection of decisive occurrences, but the future is uncertain, unknown, and unfixed. The same time we decide to live in the dark ages is the precise point we should leave it behind. It's not simple to let go of the past and let go of the people or things who have damaged you. Reconciliation is vital, but it isn't always readily available. Sometimes folks are managed to shove past the entities who have wounded them, whereas others allow it to consume them. Because you'll never completely let go of what has already been done, you can never be able to gain decent current circumstances.
One thing that I hate about bringing up something from the past is that people will use it as if it will destroy you. If you are a celebrity, it is really hard to explain something to people of different ages, cultures, and beliefs because most of them are entitled to their opinions. And once you start to say something, they will just get back in their evil ways to bring down your career. In the show business industry, it must have been hard to just make people say everything about you because comments are not just words you read on the internet, they can and will hurt someone to the point that they will end their lives. I have huge respect for people who actually understand change and how it will affect a person's attitude and personality. History by itself doesn't reflect a person's behavior. People embrace change and it's always the best thing in life.
Frustration, anguish, and bewilderment might arise when you are injured by someone you respect and trust. There are people who can forgive easily than others, and I have to admit that I'm one of the people who can't forgive easily. For me, I just think that if I forgive someone who did a very terrible and traumatic thing to me, I just accept the fact that what happened is just right which is not. But I still respect the people who can improve their forgiving skills. However, I also know that if you forgive, you are letting go of the grudges.
One must embrace wherever he/she is right now and believe that those decisions or failures were done for a purpose to accomplish happiness. Like myself, I do know people who are having a hard time accepting their mistakes, and it's not because of their ego, but because they are holding onto something. And I can't really blame them because not everyone can move on and deal with life that easily. We are not wearing the same shoes and we are not living in the same shell, so we can't judge the people who are not tough in life. We have to be understanding towards them so they can be able to stand up and continue moving.
