Reformation
They finally found Auntie Taju's camera this morning.
She was my Father's immediate younger sister.
After my father's death, taking care of six children was difficult and I was sent to auntie Taju.
I was ten.
She liked me and she touched me.
A lot.
Whenever mother comes visiting, she was always there, her hands rubbing my head gently, just like how she rubbed the cap down below every night.
"Ha, Aunty mi, you trained your son well, very well" She would always say.
At age fifteen, I was tired.
She wasn't.
The church would know, your mom would know!
She had taken pictures of me. Naked.
Rat poisons were pretty cheap.
Little white powdery substance that dissolves easily in the soup.
She died the next day.
My eyes were dry, they called it shock but I was searching for one thing.
The film that held me.
I smiled at the camera just like I had for over five years.
I didn't destroy the negative.
Maybe some day.
I might sell it to you.
And you might see the agony behind my smiles.
Whatever shit you are facing or may have been through there is always a way out, you just gotta keep your hopes high and searching for a way out.
I realized something recently, whatever we put our mind to we all always have an answer. Never give up because of the situation around you.
By nature you are bigger than your situation it doesn't matter how much it presents itself to you, you just gotta keep fighting.
Whatever shit you don't deal with now and overcome, it will still hurt you and then you will also do the same to others.
We are what we see and hear, when a rape abused victim or don't come out of his/her trauma that person will become a sex addict and also abuse others.
Same goes for other mental and emotional abuses, we must understand that we must continue to hope and fight so that we don't become that villain.
No one wants to live in regrets all through his life time, it's a painful experience becoming the villain you never wished to be.
How do you overcome your past;
Believe: whatever you don't believe can't work for you. To believe is to accept as true, particularly without absolute certainty. almost everything we do and is channeled to our believe system, that's why most religion is based on believe. Believe comprises of hope and faith stirred up together with strong affirmation of thing. You gotta know that you can overcome that shit only if you put your mind into it. To help your believe you also got to know that you not the only one that have gone through this, are there are lots of people who have overcomed their shit.
Courage: The quality of being confident, be confident in your self face your fear. Fear can be a motivating factor or a demoralizing factor, choose the first by stop seeing it as a problem or monster but instead see it as a challenge. There is a difference between challenge and problem. Problem is a challenge you feel you can't solve and then must face it's consequences, challenge is a Problem that you know you can work out and solve. One is solvable why the other is not, choose wisely.
Ask questions: make research and ask question so you can be guided on what to do, information is power, That's why knowledge is power because knowledge is knowing that information, the bible says people perish because of lack of knowledge. one must always search for knowledge in other not to perish. There are platforms you can do these e.g youtube, there are also some groups that deal with related issues you can find them, you can also go for therapy session with a counselor to help you through this phase.
Surround yourself with positive people: to me this is the best, nothing like motivations and inspirations from friends and loved ones, yeah we need to inspire ourselves but sometimes we can be demoralized, we need inspiration from outside, the bible says a person can achieve a thousand but two persons can achieve ten thousands for two heads it's greater than one. We can't underestimate the power of humans and love, even the bible was written by the inspiration of GOD.
Pray: pray to God for guidance and breakthrough, trust me he is willing to help you and hear you only if you are willing to give him your time and lay your burden to him. The Problem is that people don't pray and also people expect magic, God is not a magician but a miracle worker, there my is a difference between miracle and magic. Bible tells me that God will never leave a broken soul, one thing I know is that hence you believe and have faith in God and that he is able to help you then you will see a breakthrough. Remember whatever you believe will work for you.