Do It Scared

As I was scrolling through my news feed a week ago, I came across a short video that said, "If you can't overcome the fear of doing something, then do it scared."

At first, it didn't make sense to me. Or that's what I thought. It wasn't exactly one of those moments that would give a strong impact at first glance, but something happened that made me realize how fear could be one of the biggest barricades in a person's aspirations.

There's an essay competition in my university and I had been contemplating on joining. You see, I consider writing as one of my biggest strengths. As for the topic, we could write whatever we wanted. I made a list of topics I wanted to write about and I was so overwhelmed that I felt restless.

I wanted to write as soon as possible.

Two days before the competition, we were required to submit a draft. The draft would be posted anonymously on a bulletin board. The day I submitted my draft was also the day that I almost backed out.

I stood there, feeling the weight crash all over me. I felt inferior countless times in my life, but that was probably the first time I wanted to cry. It just felt different when you realized how mediocre you were over the things you considered you were good at. It was a slap across the face. Was I too arrogant for joining the competition? Should I back out?

I went home that day feeling like a total loser. How could I compete with those immensely talented people? I couldn't even compare!

Still, I forced myself to finish the essay. "Out of sight, out of mind", I chanted silently. I tried not to think much about the outcome and focused on the process, but who was I kidding?

I bet the other students who read my draft probably thought I was pathetic. It was humiliating enough to realize it on my own.

As dramatic as it sounded, life stopped for me that day. Before my inferiority complex struck, not a day had passed that I didn't write. It became a part of my daily life that it was now stuck in my routine. However, a lot had changed in a few moments. I couldn't even look at the laptop screen anymore without feeling the need to cry. No words left my mind as I stared hard at the empty document. I couldn't count how many times I typed words only to delete it because I wasn't satisfied enough.

All the years of confidence I built crumbled in just a matter of seconds. All that talent I thought I had dissipated. I started to accept that that's the end of it.

I took a break from writing and scrolled through my social media again, and then the very same video popped in my FYP. I remembered not paying attention to it when I first saw it, but it came back as if to remind me that it's okay to feel fear.

"If you can't overcome the fear of doing something, then do it scared."

I didn't realize how much time I wasted just staring at my laptop screen and trying to make the best of what I could, without thinking that the very same fear I desperately used as motivation was also what's causing me to be strained.

Mind you, I doubted myself so much that I was scared to write this one.

I didn't care about the results anymore. If I win, then congratulations to me. If I didn't, that's okay as well. I felt like I already won by coming to terms with my fear and inferiority.

The fear didn't leave me, but I did it scared, and that made me brave just as much as overcoming it.