I was tired for a moment

I didn’t think it would happen.

That I would be tired of doing what I’m passionate about.

And eventually, tired of everything.

This is who I am.

Ever since when I was a kid, a little girl, I find it relishing when I open books and absorb diverse concepts. Basically, I am younger than my batchmates for a reason that I was enrolled by my parents at a younger age, 4 and a half years old, I suppose. I am not a genius or a really studious type of person, I’m really not. I often have this certain mood when I don’t feel like cramming. But I could say, I love the thought or the idea of exploring and learning.

It wasn’t tiring, until….

This is when it started.

I am a woman of pen and notebook. A note addict.

It might sound passive in learning; however, it helps my brain to stay active and responsive. I also want to tell you that it is one of my ways to recharge myself when the session gets dull. In my opinion, with our course, note-taking should be included in my study techniques. Yes, it does help me to explain to myself the concept.

Suddenly, all my battery drained.

To be specific, I think my efforts were being disregarded.

I applied to an organization last February, submitted my application form and attended some meetings and orientation. This is a whole new route for me since I wasn’t active in any extracurricular activities on my freshman year. Everything seems new. Of course, my system starts to change since then. Some of these changes involve initiating a conversation and creating a better environment. Also, I need to provide some supervision to my batch. Frankly, it may not that difficult for others, but yeah, for me it is. And as we all know, there are uncomfortable changes, and it also came to me. Unfortunately, while I was trying to adapt to those, it overlapped with my academic requirements. At a certain point, I cannot study or even just read our modules and it’s killing me mentally. I spent my days and nights accomplishing and finalizing the outputs for our major subject. I did all of it, I gave it my best to have better outputs. It was like my sweat and tears.

And the grades were finally released.

I didn’t feel much the first time I saw my grades; it isn’t bad. I am grateful since I passed all of them. Later that night was when everything hits me. “Is it really something I must get after doing all of those?” “Wasn’t it all enough?” I know I know I sound grade conscious right not but who else is not? I meant, why do we invest our energy and time if we are not expecting something to gain from it, especially in education?  Most of you may say “Grades is just a number, girl”, and yes, I know. After realizing it all, a tear dropped. Why? The same scenario keeps on repeating and I hope that it was the last. A couple of nights I asked God.

Then the morning came.

Galatians 6:9

“Let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time, we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.”

He answered, he really does. Sunday morning, I read this bible verse from a Facebook post. Suddenly, I felt my soul and I still do. Instead of saying “Grades is just a number”, I will always remind myself, and I hope you’ll also do, “Grades is one of the short-term results a student can get from his countless efforts”. Every tree will bear its fruits when the amount of patience and effort is balanced.