When is the Deadline?

Online school is like a battlefield and surviving is all about our weapon to combat time management, surpass the requirements and fight distractions from whatever is happening behind the camera.

And most importantly, overcoming deadlines.

Truth is, online school is all about passing our requirements and meeting the deadlines.

I have been fighting anxiety from being able to understand difficult lessons and dealing with my inner demons. You know the feeling when you already feel guilty of not studying in times where you have to but still do nothing? Demon.

I am very much blaming myself from my lack of motivation to start my day early and study all day. My attention span has been greatly damaged during this quarantine. I have no one to blame but myself alone. I am a lazy person and I hate myself for being like this. However, I don't wanna be too hard on myself. I am still someone's daughter who have other responsibilities.

Lately, I've been comparing my situation with my other classmates. Some of them don't have any responsibilities to help their parents with their business or what. They can study, sleep and study without being too problematic of other things. While on my part, whenever I am at home and my mother is running our store, I feel bad because I want to help. I don't think its to have a reason to not study but because I am just genuinely distracted from it.

But one thing I realized: whatever I'm doing is for my family. They don't even say that they want me to help because they want me to focus studying but it is my own guilt that is eating me up when I just supposed to breathe and study. This is all for my family in the end.

We all have our own hardships in our life and I am not supposed to compare just because of this little hurdle. What matters is that I have the opportunity and means to study despite this pandemic thanks to God.

I am grateful for my realizations because I stopped being too hard on myself and just let the day pass balancing both being a student and a daughter and so far, so good. Life should not revolve over one aspect of our life. Take time to breathe if you sell online, work from home or taking time to rest from all your hard work.

At the end of the day, winning the battlefield means a brighter future for us. Let's overcome this situation, fellow students! I hope we can all endure this together with our family as the motivation and with a grateful heart to our God who made all this possible for us.

I sincerely express my gratitude to those who continued to sponsor me despite being MIA, I am sorry too. Since I don't have much time to think of unique topics, I decided to post journals and realizations life throws at me like this one. I hope you are all doing well in whatever you do.

I miss you all! 💛