How was my 2021?

Three hundred and sixty-four days ago, I started a new book, thrilled and wondering of what the next chapters would bring. I have set my goals. I have made a list of the things that I wanted to accomplish. My dreams kept playing in my head every minute. I had visualized what I wanted to happen from prologue to epilogue. Sounds fantastic, isn’t it? How great it is to start a year like this? As I continue to turn pages and finish chapters, the fire inside me seemed to start quenching.

Personally speaking, this year have been so exhausting and draining. I felt more anxious as well. The thought that I wasn’t growing always crosses my mind. I see no progress in myself. I am stuck inside this room of merely comfort, but no door for self-improvement and growth. I tried a lot of things: I started the year 2021 full of dreams, but I guess that’s all I have—dreams. I wanted to do this and that and all. Half-past the year, and guess what? None of those goals and dreams I had set was achieved. I started to turn back in time. Back on the day when I was setting these dreams until the time being. I have manifested the sameness between my desires and the objects on my dreams. I kept my eyes on the ball and expected my dreams to come true. However, in the end, I felt like I failed.  I paused to consider what went wrong. What have I done wrong that kept me from achieving these goals? Nothing. I mean, I literally did nothing. I sit inside my room all day every single day barely doing something that would make sense. I immersed myself into watching lots of drama series, movies, variety shows and the likes. Yes, I study at times but I lacked comprehension. I knew there was something wrong but I refused to pay attention to it.

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Maybe I focused too much on these dreams that I forgot to act. I forgot about my behavior. My realization is that, dreams are actually out of my control. Whether it comes true or not, I guess it’s up to fate. On the other side, my own behavior, that is what’s inside my control. The magic of achieving all those dreams starts upon becoming the person it takes to achieve them because it is all that is under my control and it’s what I can be the most powerful of. What I actually wanted to say is that I could have paid attention on what actions I am actually doing to achieve those dreams. Once I am focused on my behavior, I will be able to figure out the things that I need to do, I will learn about how to get myself in position in order to achieve my goals.

Down to the last page, I am still thankful of everything I’ve gone through. Without going through all those struggles, will I be able to learn? Will I be able to know myself more? Definitely no. I will be closing this book only bringing with me all the lessons and experiences I have gone through. For the coming years, I want to strive being better. There is nothing to lose, but to learn.