The Climb

This is a phobia I have. My limbs start to tremble. I start sweating profusely. Anybody who happens to be close hears me start babbling. As I contemplate the certainty of my own mortality, the world looks to me as a valuable and beloved gift. Imagining my own death causes me to recoil from the consequences of my thinking. My stomach is rumbling in an odd way. My palms are sweaty.

I'm afraid of heights because I'm apprehensive about them.

Of fact, it's not so much a fear of being in a position of authority that motivates this behavior. Instead, I see a long distance to go down, with rocks far below and no solid wall to keep me from falling over. Screamingly, my sense of security has been shattered. There are no safety barriers, no matter how weak my imagination makes them appear to be. Only my shakiness—or lack thereof—can be my sole guarantor.

It was only two summers ago that I somehow found myself clambering to an altitude that terrified me both on and off the ground. The Boquerón, a magnificent, verdant place in Peru's foothills, was the destination of a day trip for the majority of our high school. The major attraction here is a 100-foot-tall waterfall that empties into a crystal-clear lake and feeds the Aguaytia River. There are stones of all shapes and sizes all around the pool and down to the flowing river. Rocks litter the shoreline. To meet it, the jungle extends outward on a gentler slope on each side of the drop.

Many of us wanted to hike to a location above the fall after eating our sack lunches in the presence of the sound and sight of it. We were aware that others had done so on prior journeys. To make sure they were on the proper track, a small group of men walked ahead of the rest. However, once they left, my seven-person group opted to continue on without them. In spite of my reservations, I remained mute, believing that the others would know better. We walked along the valley floor till we came to the steep ascent. It brought a halt to my steps.

We could see the ascent escalating above our heads. On the right side, the jungle clung to the rocks, making travel difficult. Rocks dominated the majority of my vision. There were several layers of boulders that ascended to the sky in a tiered fashion. Back at the river, I looked down and noticed a steep slope of rocks that dipped down to the water. The only thing on my mind was how far I had to go.

In the middle of my heated thoughts, I realized that my friends had already started climbing! As I sat there and observed, my anxiety level rose.

Do I go back the way I came? When I heard the news, my entire body screamed "Yes!" How much will I regret it? I'd like to reach the summit, but...

I told my buddies about my doubts. They brushed aside my concerns and urged me to persevere. Despite my doubts about my own sanity, I decided to give the climb a shot.

I went with what looked to be the simplest route. Tom was ahead of me in the race. He then slipped and went roughly 10 feet backward! When he stopped and convinced us that he was fine, I was left in a state of awe. A pounding in my chest.

Those who had gone the opposite route returned, their plan having failed. Confident that my friend Seth would be just behind me, I began the ascent shakily. Between two large stones, the "way" led upwards. When we got there, there were no suitable handholds to cling onto. There were words of encouragement from above while Seth held my foot in place. Even though I'd made it safely through the first obstacle, I still didn't have much confidence in my ability to complete the remainder of the ascent.

From that point on, the difficulties simply got scarier, with terrifying spots after terrifying spots. The long drop to the boulders below could not be ignored, even though I was aware of the danger. My heart was pounding so hard that it was ringing in my ears.

My comrades continued going up and up and up. However, they never forgot me. There was always someone behind me to hold my feet solid when I needed it, and there was always someone ahead of me to offer a helping hand whenever I needed it. I put more faith in them than I did in myself since I was aware of how easily my feet could become unsteady. My progress was aided by the words and acts of my pals.

Finally, we've reached the most dreadful part of the book. The slope appeared to me to be nearly vertical. There were only a few little handholds to be found. With my height, I was aware that the stretches would be challenging even under normal circumstances. It'd be lot worse if I didn't have my panic attack. The other option was to descend once more. Is it easier or harder to do? Even though I didn't want to go in any direction, there was no avoiding the fact that I had to go somewhere.

Problem was, we were no closer to the falls than we had been in the past few minutes. The more time that passed, the more we recognized that this was not the most common approach! However, understanding this did not get me any closer to a safe place.

Since I couldn't possibly make it up to the next section and couldn't possibly wait for a rescue helicopter, I reluctantly made the decision to descend, but not alone. Thank you, Melody, for making it possible for me to go. Unlike her, I did not have the confidence in my voice to pray openly for our protection.

With our backs to the rocks, we could see the plunge all the time. After the first time, it appeared more steeper. As Melody took the stage first, the song "Angels Watching Over Me" was playing in my head. My worry was evident in my shaking voice as I talked nonstop.

We ran into problems in one of the more difficult areas we encountered early on. Melody lowered her foot cautiously, but she was unable to reach the bottom of the boulder. Slipping would result in a very long fall. We decided to take a different path so that the fall would be less severe. Getting to the bottom would necessitate a brief slide down a wet slope.

We're all safe now. In my mind's eye, I could see myself at the bottom of the cliff, my bones fractured and my body in agony, if I survived.

"It's possible! Melody answered the phone and said, "I'm right here." Rather of urging me to rush, she sat calmly.

The stones and river below were clearly seen in the corner of my eye as I made my way closer to the edge. My foot slipped as I began to descend the rock! My heart sank to my stomach as the dread that had been lurking in the shadows suddenly came to the surface.

I'm going to go down! I screamed internally.

Although it had been a minor blunder, I was not in midair! As I inhaled a few deep breaths, my heart began to return to its proper position.

We made it to the last tricky area, the stretch between two boulders that had given me issues on the climb up, without any further disasters. Thanks to everyone else abandoning the hike, we were finally able to reach the summit of the mountain before they did. From here, two routes descended. A short jump down was one option. I decided to take a look at things from a different angle. Seth stumbled a few feet down this second path, injuring himself in the process. I re-examined my first choice.

Do I really want to take that risk? If I land incorrectly or fail to halt on the ledge, there's a huge plunge! However, if you go the other way...

I had to go down Seth's route if I was going to make it. He was ready and willing to assist me in any way. I looked over his shoulder at the "route" he'd followed. Sloped slightly toward the edge was some low foliage that had been tangled together and matted down. There was a drop-off leading to an inlet between two rocky outcroppings. Not awful at all. With no footholds, my short legs couldn't reach the rocks, therefore the problem was that there were no handholds or footholds.

"I'm not sure about this," I respond. "I'm not a fan of the way it looks!" My voice was shaking as I spoke.

"Amy, you can do it! I'm right here in front of you. As Seth vowed, "I won't let you fall."

Taking my time, I made my way through the thicket of weeds.

My voice trembled as I said, "I'm coming down."

Seth replied, "I'm ready." "I've got this."

He gave me the confidence I needed to keep going. I had complete faith in him. In mid-air, I rolled over onto my stomach and swung my legs out to the side. As he lowered me over the rocks, twigs, and leaves, Seth gently grasped my hands and guided my senses to a firm spot. A great sense of contentment came over me when my feet finally made contact with the granite. My anxiety was dissipating as I watched it do so.

I had scratches on my arms and legs, and I was covered in mud and sweat. But it didn't really matter. That's where I was at!

“Yaaaaaaahhhh!” I shouted. In my entire life, I've never felt more alive or grateful for the life I have.