My Greatest Failure

My tongue was tingling from the gun's barrel. The flavor of the gun oil was little acidic. This route had come to an end. Like huge waves pounding against the big rocks of the shore, my history continued to batter me. As the tears flowed down my cheeks, I could hear my teeth clang on the rifle. I relived my earliest recollections as I recalled them. My grandparents' house was where I spent many a summer vacation. waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of my bedroom door opening.

The covers were pulled aside by my granddad. Working in the fields with him had completely killed my enthusiasm for being outside. I recalled the terror and guilt I felt at the time. I remembered the feeling of being unsure of how to explain what was going on to others. It came back to me how the one guy I considered a friend, after I graduated high school, had utilized the hatred and rage I felt to make me "muscle" for his "organization." I thought back to the heinous things I'd done in the name of friendship and commitment. People who didn't deserve what happened to them still scream and plead in my head, reverberating through my mind. I remembered the one bright light in the darkness of my life up to that time. She had it all: good looks, wit, and intelligence. She had faith in me and thought I was a decent human being. She even convinced me that I was a wonderful person, and that my existence mattered to the world. She saved my life by rescuing me from the brink of disaster. She was the center of my universe. On the day I arrived home early from work, I thought back to that day. I distinctly recall feeling stomach cramps for no apparent reason. Her naked body was entwined with another man's on my living room couch when I walked in the front door. I remembered the fury, the hatred, the disappointment that I felt at the time. In the wake of betrayal. My former self began to resurface in my thoughts. What I could do to them, what I should do to them, occupied my thoughts. Then I remembered the sadness I'd felt. No matter how badly she had damaged me, I didn't want her to see me in the light of my old life. I shut the door.

My life spiraled out of control after that incident. A gun was slung over my shoulder as I sat in the back of my truck in the middle of nowhere. All the horrible and evil things I had done and that had happened to me became unbearable. I'd had enough sleep for the day. I'd had enough. I'd had enough. Because the shadows were so dense, I couldn't see anything else but the end of this route.

I took a deep breath and fired. Time ceased to exist. After hearing of people seeing their entire lives in front of them, I couldn't say for sure that I believed it myself. My life was playing out on the screen before me, like if I were watching a movie. In place of the horrors of my past, I witnessed the happy times of my life. I was surprised. I had a glimpse of our vacation to Florida. Playing and joking as a family on a beach Playing darts with my dad was the one thing that made me smile. I was there for the birth of my niece and the first time I held her in my arms. My perspective shifted as I saw how many more happy memories there were than sad ones. As a result of all the anger, hatred, and shame I felt, these memories were pushed down and locked away in the dark recesses of my mind. I couldn't see it." As a result, the screen went completely dark. My parents were crying over my grave, and I saw them. Their friendships and families were damaged by my actions, and they became cynical and abrasive to one another. My heart ached at the thought of how much anguish I was causing these two special people who had always been there for me.

I don't know how I did that to them. I wasn't able to do it. That's not my style. I didn't want to inflict any pain on them. I didn't do it.

feel that type of pain for them I was terrified of dying!

Click

In the back of my mind, I was thinking, "Oh Jesus." I let go of the rifle and let it fall into the darkness.

of the subfloor. My brain was still whirling with confusion as I tried to process what had just occurred. That didn't make sense at all. How long had I been dead? To avoid a collision, I had to exit the vehicle. As I clawed at the door in quest of a handle, I fought with my seat belt. I was unable to break free of my restraints. Get out of here! I couldn't stay in this vehicle any longer. Seat belts released and the door flew wide at last. I slipped and hit my head on the ice-cold ground after tumbling from my seat. It seemed as if I was letting go of the past that had been eating away at me, so I crawled on my hands and knees and vomited. Exhausted and sobbing, I sank to the ground. Misfired: It was a few seconds before I realized that the gun had gone off. Until that point, the gun had never fired a single time I'd fired tens of thousands of rounds and never had a misfire in that time. However, I cannot claim to know why I was spared the night before, but what I do know is that it was for a reason.

My life could have ended at the flick of a finger, and that's how quickly things changed for me. My life would not have been as rich if it were to happen. In the depths of despair, there is only one path open to you: suicide. But if you take a deep breath and allow your eyes to adjust to that darkness, you'll see all of the wonderful possibilities that await you.