Lessons I Learned Since Becoming a Mom
My undergraduate days of fantasizing about becoming a famous actress are long gone, and I've settled into my new and exciting permanent role as a mother! From pregnancy to physical changes, life adjustments, missed expectations, harsh realities, and painful times, it's been quite the adjustment. But, despite the challenges that come with being a mother, the moments are treasured because they are filled with exquisite meaning. However, if you're anything like me and can't perceive the wonderful message, you're not alone.
Here are some things I've learned as a mother. I hope this speaks to you and gives you peace in knowing that we're all in this together!
1. Getting pregnant is only the start!
I suddenly found myself longing to be a mother after years of trying everything I could to prevent becoming pregnant. Trying to conceive, it turns out, can be a difficult task in and of itself. The prospect of becoming pregnant, as well as actually attempting to conceive, is emotionally taxing. It can also become just another item on your daily to-do list if you're working full-time and attempting to maintain a social life. Some parents struggle with infertility, which makes it even more difficult to conceive. However, once you become pregnant, you understand that it is only the beginning.
The lesson : is to relax! Do not compare yourself to other women or couples who did not appear to struggle or plan for a pregnancy but were successful. Do not become discouraged or think you are being punished. Your time will come, and if physiologically it isn't meant to be, consider adoption and reproductive treatments. You might even decide that starting a family isn't your cup of tea. Some happy couples are childless!
2. Everyone will have an opinion if you're pregnant!
It's amusing how everyone feels compelled to express themselves. It was extremely annoying for me because we didn't find out the gender of our baby until after he or she was born. Furthermore, I had no news to tell because I was free of medical illnesses, save for swollen feet near the conclusion of my pregnancy. I didn't feel compelled to share every detail of my pregnancy because I wanted it to be MY experience before anyone else's. I discovered that some people believed they had a right to know everything. Others felt compelled to remind me that I could still miscarry - no problem!
The lesson: Opinions are just that. Because of how they were treated, some people feel compelled to intimidate new mothers. Others will wish you well, while others will ignore everything. To each their own. Just keep in mind not to take anything personally.
3. You will evolve.
We all know our bodies change throughout pregnancy, and whether or not we regain our "pre-pregnancy" bodies is irrelevant. We change not only physically, but also mentally. We now have a strong desire to help someone else. We become mothers by providing a secure environment for our children from the beginning. We sympathize with other moms who are struggling and appear exhausted, we celebrate one other's victories, and we understand the juggling act that goes into establishing and maintaining a family.
The lesson: Enjoy the reality that you're not the same even if you can fit into your old jeans. You are a better version of yourself, and your children will assist you in growing, learning, and maturing more than anybody else. Embrace it!
4. You will not be prepared by any amount of baby books, research, or advice.
Despite our best efforts to be completely prepared (buying the greatest crib, researching the finest stroller, touring childcare alternatives, etc. ), there is no way to be completely prepared for motherhood. It's not like the sleep deprivation you had after a night of partying or during finals week in college – this is actual sleep deprivation. Deprivation that causes hallucinations. There's no way to prepare since it's unlike anything you've ever known.
The lesson: It's a relief. You can't try parenting or have a practice session and assume you've got it down. You must complete the task completely. Once you've gathered all of the necessary supplies and tools, all you have to do now is take it day by day. Each family is unique, but it's reassuring to know that being a good mother entails doing what's best for your children.
5. Always expect the unexpected!
I was fortunate enough to be given a child who is really unpredictable. He's also incredibly nice, entertaining, active, intuitive, and great. For example, our breastfeeding experience was really challenging, but we persevered by getting help. I wasn't expecting such a difficult task ahead of me, but once I recognized I needed to work harder, I took action. Furthermore, all of those instances – such as when he pooped through his onesies or spat up on other people, or the horrible sobbing in the wee hours of the night – became foreshadowings of the surprises to come. I was taken aback by this sudden madness as a former store manager (who is always in charge and a little controlling), but in the end, I learnt to let go and relish in the fact that I had no control.
The lesson: Enjoy your life! Enjoy the chaos and utilize it to your advantage! This is an opportunity to learn under duress and apply our natural fight-or-flight instincts. The joy of a difficulty is that it passes and you learn!
6. The father of your child may or may not be a good parent.
The truth is that married women marry their husbands because they adore them. When husbands become fathers, though, it can be a different scenario. I genuinely believe that everything is learned, therefore if your husband did not have a good father figure growing up, you may have to live with the consequences. In many ways, I am a teacher, therefore I use my experience to help my spouse grow and remember what life is all about. Some men are destined to go, and the sooner you recognize this, the better. My family and I are spiritual people who believe in prayer. To keep the marriage alive, figure out what works.
The lesson: I can't claim to know everything about love and relationships after 15 years of knowing my spouse and 5 years of marriage, but I do know that it requires work. Remember that you are first and foremost a wife/companion, and that women are naturally better at some things. Also, find a support system and stick to your goals and expectations.
7. There are no perfect babies.
The health and well-being of our children is not always guaranteed. Colic, allergies, ear infections, autism, jaundice, heart difficulties, visual problems - you name it, our babies can be born with health issues or even hereditary diseases, and it's awful! Some are permanent, while others are only transitory. As the mother of a special needs child, I am well aware that flawless infants do not exist, but you will still adore your child. I'm not going to let my child's experience with it determine our happiness.
The lesson: do your research, locate the best doctor, join some support groups, pray, go out more, and live! Unfortunately, accepting a permanent diagnosis can be difficult, but once you do, being a warrior and providing the support system your child requires becomes much easier.
8. You might appreciate the small things more!
Because you don't always have the time or space to devote to yourself, you treasure the moments when you do. How wonderful is it to have a good hot cup of coffee whenever you want it? Or heading out on your own? Or even going to the bathroom alone? It's absolutely wonderful to be able to appreciate life in this way since, as a childless person, you may have never recognized the beauty in life's simplest moments because you never truly valued them for what they were. Plus, having the energy to do anything for a change might feel great!
The lesson: Every day is fantastic, and every obstacle is an opportunity! It's also common to feel stuck, alone, or unhappy. Remember that this, too, shall pass! Consider this: you carried a human inside your body and, through a miracle/adoption, became the mother of a wonderful child. How incredible is life? Reach out to a friend, family member, or babysitter if you need a little more help!
9. You will become their most ardent supporter!
Moms are the experts. We are fortunate to have the capacity to know our children and to assist them in their lives. Without even speaking to them, I can vouch to feeling emotionally attached to my sons. Our closeness and connection are stunning in their depth. Don't be scared to say "no" to other people's ideas or proposals. At the same time, don't be afraid to admit when your input isn't required or when you're mistaken. Perhaps your children have the most insight.
The takeaway: You are your child's greatest ally! They have always felt safe in your arms and look up to you! Be the voice and example you'd like, or the support you've always desired from a parent.
10. You will discover your calling.
Maybe you had a lot of purpose before having a baby, maybe you always wanted to be a mother, maybe you just happened to become a mother without trying - whatever drove you to this point in your life could have given you or reinforced the purpose you already had. I get a lot of pleasure from watching my children grow up. I also feel compelled to produce crafts, cook/bake, and continue to be a wonderful wife/friend/sister throughout my time as a stay-at-home mom. Whatever your mothering passion is, it will provide you with meaning, as well as happiness, ability, and peace.
The lesson: To follow your passion and do so happily. Make the most of your potential. Remember to keep your sanity and joy. Allow your "yes" to be "yes," and your "no" to be "no."
I hope this will inspire you❤️
