My Father, My First Love, My Angel

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Avatar for saysdgrace
1 year ago

I had a complete family composed of my mom, father and three siblings. However, having a complete family doesn’t mean that it is a happy one.

Growing Up

My mom is a teacher and dad was an undergraduate electrical engineer. However, dad still got a decent job back then. He had vices too—he started smoking by the age of 13 and a drinks alcohol on occasion.

When i was little, i lived a fairytale life. Mom and dad took me somewhere all the time, either to go to the mall, amusement park or to the church. We always have family time. I was so happy back then. But secrets unfolded when i became a teenager.

I was in 3rd year high school when mom and dad used to fight almost everyday. I went to a catholic school and the tuition was higher. My mom pressured me to maintain my scholarship but it was hard. I told dad about it but he said the same. It was then dad told me about our financial difficulties. He lost his job and it led him to be an alcoholic and a smoker. Imagine, everyday he would drown himself in alcohol and would always smoke one stick after the other. I almost didn’t recognize my dad.

I was always a daddy’s girl, but with what was happening him, i lost my affection for him. I ignored him everytime he asked me about school. I focused on my studies since i don’t want to transfer to a public school. I lost my superman, my super hero.

When i started college, i heard dad was cheating on mom and that he had another family outside their marriage. He blamed mom for being so busy with work for his cheating ways. Seriously!!! How can he blame mom for it? It was his choice to cheat!!! I thought he loved us, why find pleasures outside their matrimoty? In the end, dad moved out of our house to live back with his mother. I really hated him back then. Until i graduated college, our relationship was that of a friend. Still, he showed up on my graduation day.

Pregnancy News

2014, i learned that i was pregnant. I was so terrified and scared upon knowing. Im the eldest child and mom expected more from me, especially in helping her raise my 3 siblings. I was such a disappointed. And mom? She is the most terrifying person i know! Im not really close to her, she barely gets time for us because of her work.

So, i went to dad. I told him everything. I told him how terrified i was to tell mom. But did you know what he said? “We will go to your mom and will help you explain this situation to her. I will be there with you always. Its my first grandchild from my baby girl.” With this, i cried, kissed and hugged him on the cheek. That time i realized, my dad was still watching me from a far and never turned his back on me. He still loved me so much.

So we told mom, true to his words, he supported me and protected me from mom. Along my pregnancy, he bought me things i needed and foods i crave. He would always ask, “What do you want to eat, Ate?” “Do you want me to accompany you in your room until you fall asleep?” *sigh* Those were the days i was so grateful for his presence.

In 2015, 2 months after i gave birth to my firstborne, i got pregnant again with my second child. Same things happened. Dad still supported me until the second child was born while mom left me with my decisions. I know mom still loved me but not as much anymore. She focused on my kids while i was left with my struggles on how to provide for my littlw angels. I got work then.

Things went smooth after the delivery of my second child. Me and my dad were partners. He would always go to our house early morning to help me with the kids. He was always in charge of bathing and dressing them. However, i did not noticed that dad was not feeling well on those days.

My second baby was 2 months old when dad got sick. He didnt come home to help me tend the kids. I got worried and went to his house.

Since im a nurse, i assessed my dad. He had breathing difficulties, he got a high fever and was restless too. That time, i knew that he was not going to live longer. I knew that our time together is coming to an end.

He was immediately rushed to the hospital. In the ER, everything happened so fast. My dad’s oxygen level was 70+% (normally, its 99-100). Then put a non rebreather mask on him giving the highest oxygen support.

I was hopeful that somehow, he would stabilize. But no, his oxygen levels dropped to 60% with more probounced breathing difficulty. The doctor approached us saying that he was in a critical condition with poor prognosis and needed to be intubated as soon as possible. I cried! This only meant one thing — dad still not be able to stay with us longer. I signed the consent for intubation and urinary catheterization. Told ny dad that he should keep still and do what to doctors wanted him to do. He was given some sedative and then the doctors intubated him and placed him on mechanical ventilator support. I cried some more. It was so painful to see dad that way.

When dad woke up, he told me to remove the tube. He didn’t want it but i told him that it was necessary. Hours later, he was deteriorating. I called mom to come to the hospital before its too late. But time waits no one. Dad went into cardiac arrest shortly after coma. This only happened 10hours after the admission.

The medical professionals immediately went to dad and did cpr. My brother, 19 years old, was with me the entire time. He bid goodbye to dad and told the doctors to stop the cpr and he signed the waiver. I didn’t want him to do that but its hard to see dad that way. It was so hard seeing the doctors pump his chest so hard just for him to survive. Dad was pronounced dead after. Moments later, Mom came into our room, crying and in shock, a little too late. But she said to his dead body, “ I forgave you a long time ago, Dy”. That moment, i gained an my first angel.

Since that day, our family was never complete. We always feel the emptiness. Mom always say, “You are your dad’s favorite. You are his sweetest angel too.”

So for those of you who still have both parents—make the most of your time together. Forgive and love one another. Family will always be greatest gift given by God.

Happy father’s day Papa!!! I miss you so much! I love you forever and always! Thank you for everything. ❤️

Your loving daughter,

Ate 🥺❤️


Thank yoi for dropping by. Take care! Happy father’s day!

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Avatar for saysdgrace
1 year ago