Hello, World!

I am Sarah, a mum of a very active and energetic boy (that made it seem like I have 10 children, to be honest). I love food (may it be eating and cooking them), and venturing different kinds of activities with my little one hence the nickname SarahVenture.  Also, my last name is always being corrected by Microsoft word, so guess I have to use that to my advantage now.

Before I become a mom, I used to be able to write endless things about myself. You cannot imagine how much I traveled and tried different things on my own before I got pregnant and have my boy. I can say though that I have had fun during my single years. No regrets. Now, my life revolves around one person; my son.

I am not saying that it is a bad thing, just that I thought I needed a lot of people around to fill me in and to make me feel complete, it turned out that I only needed one. This boy turned my world upside down (together with his dad) but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Talking about my life when I used to write things about myself and everything under the sun made me dig on those notes I used to write when I was in college. It was pretty nostalgic at the same time funny. Other than the grammatical errors, it was my priorities and struggles at the time that seemed to be very shallow now.

I can say how time changed, and as I grew the way I look at life is much more different especially now that I am a mom. I used to have friends that I have sworn I could not live without and treated as family that are now strangers to me. There were those lovers, who I thought I will love forever but felt nothing now when I think of them. How true that feelings fade, but not the memories. I remember how I wanted to be with someone and realized later on that relationships are not the same as in the movies. It requires a lot of hard work and patience.

Boy, do I have to stress on the PATIENCE part, and how am I surviving being a mom every day is a miracle. I guess it is just the true nature of a woman. When you become a mother, you are a mother forever. That is an imprint from your blood to your house becoming a daily mess.

On another note, let me share you what I have written when I was struggling looking for love.

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Lust + Obsession + Violence + Emotion = L.O.V.E.

It’s been two years since I broke up with my past love and since then, I have – learned to be – accepted and knew my ways to be comfortable in my surroundings. I am finally able to see the world in a different shade of green so to speak and be happy with my status of being single. It is pretty weird to go solo at first, but when you see the outcome – the never – ending parties, the over flowing beers, and the clubs with – lots and lots of boys – as well as new faces, what more can I ask for?

It was all fun, but you will still feel incomplete, just like I did. And there will be a point wherein you’d be become emotionally unstable and you’ll long for that love that you once had,

Does the song L-O-V-E by Nat King Cole spelt love the way we see or feel it? Well, let me apply my won understanding and perceptions of what the so-called LOVE stands for.

LUST

I was duped by numerous guys who were just craving for the three lettered word. I do not blame them because it was partly my fault because I act and look flirty, especially when I am under the influence of alcohol, and maybe that is one of the reasons why I am, time and again misunderstood. Guys that I like most often gets a hard time to love me in return.  I want them to understand life and love the Sarah way. Unfortunately, it’s hard to change the way they think about me, people are harder to please that what most thinks. The hardest part is that when lust comes into the picture, you’ll feel weak and the only thing that will rule in your head is the sensation and desire. Sadly, love becomes the last option.

OBSESSION

I am trapped in my past. I never even want to open my heart again for possibilities because the first and only time I did, I only failed. That failure turned me into a beast! The agony I feel right now, is murdering my soul, knowing that his kisses belong to another woman. The taste of lust and obsession became my addiction. If only I could bury this passion under the sands, I would. I do not want to harass him with the loving that he does not want. I want to let him go, for my heart has no space for more pain; for more heartache; for a fake love.

VIOLENCE

I was crying a while ago and I tried to convince myself not to; yet I still had to let go of the tears. My eyes let those teardrops fall on my cheeks. I feel fragile at the very moment for torturing myself with the memories that continuously play into my mind. I tried to kill it way back then, I thought I was strong, but then my frail feelings summons it again and again. The funny part is that I did not even notice that it has destroyed me and it already paralyzed my blissful thoughts. Now my only escape is a bucket of beer and a pack of smoke. If only those can handle my pain, then maybe I will not need my tears to take it away.

EMOTION

And a question blew into my mind. “Don’t I deserve to love and be loved in return?” As I became immune in places where loud music is played, where people gets crazy and tosses bottles of beers everywhere; I began to realize that I have been craving for silence and affection so much. It may sound mushy, but I want love to love me again. I still do not know if I want the real thing right now, but I can surely say that my heart wants to be whole again and is in a rummage of a not happily very after but a very worthwhile reading fairy tale.

This is what love brought me, and how will I find it again? I still do not know. I guess I need to forget what my head is saying and start listening to my heart. We will never know. On the many ways people spell and define love, always remember that it depends on how you believe in it, and how you want to see it.

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Wow, reading this took me back to my younger years. I miss being young and free. How I wanted to go back and correct those mistakes and become a better version of myself but we all learn in time. I bravely wrote how I felt at that age when in my early 20s I pretended to be a strong independent woman even if I wanted to just sit in the corner of the room and cry for help. Life can be so savage sometimes, but now I just do not care what people would say about me. I will live my life the way I want to live it.

Being a mother is the hardest job in the world and I could not even take a 5 minute toilet break without someone knocking on the door calling me “MAMA!!”. I thought I was tired when I was playing sports while working an office job, motherhood is a different level of tiredness. My boy drives me crazy, but I love him to my tiniest cell in my body, I would become a dinosaur for him if he wanted to. It sounds funny but he says diso, disyco and dyson the very moment he opens is eyes. He just loves dinosaurs.

Well, this ends my first ever post here. I would like to thank @tired_momma for introducing me to this page and for making me relive my passion in writing. See y’all!