Late night realization

Images are borrowed from Google

Last night, I told my friend good night. And I was really planning to go to sleep already, but sleep wouldn't come. I laid on bed for about 30 minutes, staring at the ceiling, wondering what happened to me the past days.

I let my emotions get ahold of the wheel again. I was controlled by sadness and the longing to be held, and the realization made me cringe so bad I had to sit up. I don't want to do that ever again, it's embarrassing and just too much for someone else to witness.

Vulnerability is something I should keep to myself.

But how am I supposed to do that without energy? Without sugar? So I got out of bed, dressed up, and went outside to walk around the city at 12 am.

At 12 am, people are asleep, but the city is wide awake. There are 24 hours open cafes, and convenience shops, and parks too. And there's where I went.

I used to do this with a friend, but they moved out and now they're in a different city, which leaves me to do the midnight snacking alone.

I bought ice cream and a cookies and cream cake, they're all sweet and cold and it smells like 'this lady will get her energy back.'

With a plastic bag heavy with sweets, I walked to the park, the one with huge trees and many swings. But I didn't go for the swing, it's too open there, and I don't wanna be seen. So I joined a tree, sitting beneath its shade and behind its huge trunk. That way no one will wonder what a grown up woman is doing at the park this late at night.

I ate my ice cream there while watching video clips of Amber Heard being cross examined. I watched videos about yoga mat making while eating cake and wiggling my toes in my shoes.

I ate and ate until I feel like Franky who's finally super charged with 3 bottles of cola. I ate every last bit of my food until my mind is calm and happy and the thoughts flow quietly, smoothly.

Last night was a night of sugar high and finally being happy again. Last night, I hoped I was with a friend so I could thank them for their constant reminders that I am strong.