Problems and excuses
These past few days were very hectic for me. I wasn't able to finish anything because I am having trouble with time management. I can't manage to do all the tasks while babysitting. I have a lot of excuses. I have to convince myself that it is okay even if I failed at managing my time and was not able to fulfill my job as a mom. This is all I can do for now. I have to hide my tears and pretend that I am okay even though I am exhausted. Whenever someone leaves a negative comment on how I handle my daily activities I found myself looking for someone to blame or I just make some excuses to hide the circumstances.
The real problem is the way I act and respond to others. I am not capable of having a good conversation because I was so silent. I am shy. I am afraid of others' opinions regarding my thoughts and actions. I am not true to myself because I keep lying. When someone asks me about how I am today I just said that I am okay even if I am not. I cannot look at their eyes directly. I used to always speculate about their impressions of me that's why I am always afraid to try new things and be true to them. I want to be good at their eyes but I know this will not gonna happen. Whatever you do people will always find a way to manipulate you. They will always judge and criticize you while you will just try your best.
Excuses are part of our life too. It makes us feel safe when we got into trouble. Sometimes I found myself making excuses for everything I've done because I want to cover up my mistakes but it doesn't change the fact and it will only bring more disaster and make your life worst. Your mindset will slowly shallow you. As early as possible don't be this kind of person. Be true and honest. But consider every situation because not all people will understand your thoughts and actions. Whenever we try to cover our mistakes the more we expose our true character.
When you encounter a problem that needs an excuse to make it looks easy for you to handle then just do it. Stop suffering and punishing yourself because we are all doing our best to survive in this cruelty in this world. But please don't be one of those cruel. Whatever situations you are in don't forget to be kind. Making excuses doesn't make you a bad person but just make sure to not blame others when you are the sinners. Once you did something it will never be easy to erase it in people's minds so be careful. Don't let other people drag you down so easily. Give them a good fight.