The minute I start to write the words, I am full of fear that the lines will not continue. For months, I had not been able to write a single word, and then I could not go beyond three lines in my sighing session, which I started with courage. I mean, I've been depressed for months. I cannot understand how no one sees the constant overflow of a full glass. Honestly, I don't expect anyone to see it. What would have changed if he had seen it, I don't know what would have happened. They didn't give me this option. Here I just stood with my life in my hand.
When I think about it, my life is full of huge wrecks that I tried to make way. Do I need to be proud of the way I open by pushing things, wiping or often bleeding my knees? Can someone puff up their chest with a life like an excavator? Yes of course, right! Hah! I have spent years rotting inside. Every time I make a mistake, I have been a piece of me, and I have been scattered. The most painful thing is that I don't realize this new. Am I pretending to poison myself? I had shot this movie before, but its script was mine. Now I'm looking at neither the script nor the actors my work. This is the worst, my God, this is the most suffering. The impossibility pierced through the wall of my will drives me crazy. It makes me crazy, I want to set fire to this damn spring, this damn humanity! Desperation in my veins, smiling faces looking from behind a madman, those people trying to sell napkins… All of them whip my brain. What a torment for them to notice them, to pass by them, to call out to me! They make you want to sit in the corner and cry. All of them make me sick. I have neither strength nor patience; but they don't ask me that. They are there every day, every day.
Everyone talks beside me as if they knew me very much. Those conversations that I feel as artificial when I get angry, in my happiness .. Those conversations that are thrown and kept about the world next to me when I don't notice until I cry .. Yet they are worthless than a handful of land. They are students whose grades were given before the exam. They are so stupid that they don't even notice it. Whereas it is easy for me to 'erase' anyone who does not open their heart to me. Those idiots talk about changing the world while becoming extras even in their skits. I have anger in me, there is sadness in me. There is a laugh while the raw raw is rotting. What do they mean, how will you know, how will you know ..