The Time to Mourn a Breakup.

When we decide to end a relationship, it is a hard thing to do. It is difficult to break up a relationship for years. Personally, I lived in a 22-year marriage that I could not maintain because of multiple disagreements between the two of us until I reached my breaking point. After a long time, after many situations of violence and psychological abuse, I decided to continue on my own. It was a difficult but good decision.

More than 12 years have passed since that personal decision, I live my life in peace, I still don't have a new partner, because God's timing is perfect and that person will come if they have to, and if they don't, I don't need them to have peace in my heart. Starting again, from scratch, was difficult for me because I left behind many material things, my house, my furniture, and everything that a home can have, everything I left behind, and I started a new life in another place, in Barinas. All the material things that came back into my life were acquired through my own efforts, working and undertaking new projects. Now I live quietly and peacefully. I am happy, thank God.

Let's talk a little about how to overcome grief after a break-up. I went through it and I got over it. Getting over a break-up and a disaffection with the person we love is difficult. The emotional torrent that you experience in the first few months is as if the world is coming to an end, it is something similar to the loss of a loved one.

It is not easy to accept that everything has come to an end. That the other person will rebuild their life and that everything they have experienced will never come back. All this flood of emotions hurts a lot, it can even be a more intense pain than the physical pain. Some people get stuck in this pain as if it were a drug. According to studies, love and drugs use the same neural circuits. For this reason, it is recommended not to have any contact for a while with the ex-partner in order not to relapse because there are emotional ups and downs, as happens when using a drug. Not seeing the ex-partner in the first months after the break-up is the most advisable thing to do.

It is also advisable to break up with memories, with objects that were given as gifts, details, or photos. The neural circuits become weaker and the levels of neurochemicals such as sidopamine and serotonin drop, they stabilize. As long as you do not have those memories that anchor you to the past and to emotional pain, the body and mind adapt to the change and make it possible to return to normality in a shorter time.

The time it takes for each person to get over the grief depends on many factors, for example: the person who leaves home gets over the grief more quickly, the time the relationship lasted is another factor, the more years of union there were in the couple, the longer the healing time will be. A short relationship is not the same as one that lasted for years, although here the intensity of love plays an important role, the one who gave the most and loved the most is the one who suffers the most.

When a relationship breaks up, it goes through different stages, the first stage or phase being one denial and isolation. The hurt person denies the break-up and pretends that everything is the same, does not accept or does not approve of the other person's distance. The impact of the break-up is so great that it is difficult to assimilate. This stage is generally brief. Entering the second phase.

Once the wounded person becomes aware of his new reality he feels a lot of anger. They feel very strong anger towards the person who has left them, they feel frustrated about what happened and blame the ex-partner for the situation they are going through. Sometimes when anger is very strong, revenge can appear.

You have to have a lot of control over your emotions in this phase. It is a phase of feelings, anger, frustration and revenge, as you can see it is not an easy phase for the injured person.

Then we enter an equally dangerous phase if not handled well. We enter into negotiation, we try to talk and recover the relationship. If no rapprochement is achieved after several attempts to save the relationship, another phase begins. Depression begins to do its work. The person loses hope of recovering the relationship. It all depends on the willingness of the person who has been hurt not to remain in this depressive stage for too long. They must become aware of their emotional state and start to be more objective and see the reality in which they live, that there is no turning back. He must put a lot of effort and self-control to get out of this depressive state.

When she realizes that she has to get out of the depressive state she enters the last phase. The acceptance that the relationship is over, that it has ended, that there is no turning back. It is at this stage of acceptance that the person begins to visualize a new future. They no longer look for their ex-partner, they feel calm, at peace and most importantly, they feel emotionally ready to start a new relationship, if they so wish.

It is all a matter of time. They say that time heals everything, and where it applies. According to studies on healing time, it takes about three months to start being positive about the new stage, to really feel ready for life, although some people take a little longer, between six months to a year, it is not scientifically proven how much time is required to heal. This time is personal, i.e. the healing time is set by the wounded person. It all depends on the person's willingness to heal.

In the end, the important thing is to get out of grief in the shortest possible time, to remember that you have your value as a person, that you are worthy of love, and that you will find it in time. The length of that time is up to you, three months, six months, or a year, that time is up to you.

Have you gone through a break-up, how long does it take you to heal and move on?

Thanks for stopping by. I look forward to your comments.

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