Keyword: Attitude!

Recently I was reading a book, it was too late and I was still not sleepy, I always resort to reading to fall asleep. Just as I was about to fall into the arms of Morpheus, a message arrived on my cell phone. I was surprised because of the hour, usually, by that hour no one writes to me unless it is for an emergency message.

The message was from a person I met recently and who trusted me to tell me about his conflicts with his partner. Or rather ex-partner, because they have been separated for several months and he has not yet overcome the breakup of the love relationship.

He asked me: "Are you asleep?" I read the message and raised an eyebrow in surprise at the question coming from him since he has never written me at that hour of the night.

I replied: - "here I am, tell me".

- "I want to write about my relationship with my ex-partner"- he said.- "I want to tell how I discovered the lies, betrayal, and deceit in the relationship with her. And I want you to read it. The story is long"

I immediately got the image of a man who could not sleep either, who was immersed in a crisis of anguish and tribulation, in a phase of his grief. I imagined him walking around his house, alone, in his thoughts of a forsaken man looking for answers as to why the breakup of the relationship he thought was ideal.  He has found the answers, after so much searching, now he is filled with rage and anger at the betrayal of the woman he thought loved him. Reality hurts and if there is betrayal it hurts even more.

- "Sure,"- I said -"write down everything that comes to your mind about your relationship, it's good therapy for you, it's liberating"- I answered instantly.

- "Okay, I'll do it"

It was 6 am when he asked for my email address to send what he wrote. So, the man didn't sleep all night, confirming the image that came to my mind that he was going through an emotional crisis. In other words, his was an emergency message.

I read what he wrote. He expressed through writing everything negative about the relationship. He expressed it that way because he discovered that the relationship he had for several years was based on lies, betrayal and deceit. It was only after the breakup that he discovered the real facts of a love that he thought was lasting. It is hard to discover the real cause of the breakup. The woman no longer wanted to be with him and blocked all communication. He was left as the "victim" of the relationship.

One of the things he told me that morning, after spending all night writing, was that if I wanted to, I could write an article about what he wrote. He authorized me to publish it. At that moment I said yes, I would do it, I would publish his reflections. But then I thought better of it...

What did we gain by publishing his reflections? I particularly think that he and I gained nothing. Writing his reflections fulfilled the therapeutic part of healing in him.  At the end of the morning, he said he felt better emotionally after writing down everything that was on his mind. The writing was a liberating therapy for him. And that's the important thing, that's where we won! 

I have talked to him about the stages of his grief. Emotionally he is on a merry-go-round of emotions. One day he's on a high and then he's on a low. He can't seem to forget the cruel and unfair circumstances of the breakup. It was unexpected for him. Without the option of having any explanation from her, since when she expressed her desire to end the relationship she was in another country, far away from him. And with another partner, unbeknownst to him.  She blocked him from all her social networks, leaving him in an emotional limbo.  Every day he has a stormy sea of negative memories that haunt his head.  

 Bad memories of lies, betrayal, and deceit from the relationship with that lady are part of his story. Although it pains him to accept these facts, they are part of his recent past. People are made up of both positive and negative experiences and he is no exception to the rule.

What we must work on as a person is how to overcome or deal with the negative experiences that bring to mind stormy memories, which do not let us move forward and keep us in the past. It does not let us live in the present so that the harmony that we need to be in an inner peace can flow and give us happiness again.

Changing negative thoughts that cause us pain is not easy. But it is not impossible either. Imagine how many people in the world have suffered a breakup in their relationship and now see it in the present as something positive that happened to them in their lives and were able to change their attitude from the real facts and be happy again.

We have the power to control our memories, it is our brain and our mind that choose what we want to remember and what we don't want to remember. The key is to choose the right attitude to not allow negative thoughts to nest in your head. As I always say, the battle is in the mind. "Sometimes you win... Sometimes you learn." (Robert Kiyosaki).

The book Manual para no morir de amor (Manual to avoid dying of love, written by psychologist Walter Riso) the author describes an interesting technique to forget an ex-partner. "The stop technique", as the writer of the book calls it. It consists of clapping your hands and saying out loud "stop!" every time we have memories of the ex-partner.

I have been using my own technique for years. I recommend in my orientations to couples to change negative thoughts by immediately thinking of a Bible verse. Reading a verse out loud does not allow that negative thought to remain in your mind. Don't "nest" in your head. I recommend placing verse notes in visible places at home, work, vehicle, etc. Whenever negative thoughts come in I will immediately read a verse. It works for me, because as a human being I have gone through negative and stressful situations that rob me of my peace but I don't allow them to nest in my mind.  

Two interesting techniques to choose from, it's up to you which one to do, taking the right attitude is the key to healing.

"If it is not in your hands to change a situation that causes you pain, you can always choose the attitude with which you face that suffering."  (Viktor Frankl)

I look forward to your comments on the content of today's article.

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