July 2014. A bottle of pesticide in front of me. And a pen in hand. Writing suicide note. Everyone in the family told me they could not get me into medical coaching. If this is what the Creator wanted, why did He send me to this family? What is the benefit of good results in SSC and HSC? Surely I have no right to live.
With these thoughts, I called Anish Kaku. (I will tell you more about him later)
He said, "If you want to eat fish, if you do not have money, do not beg for fish, but borrow a spear and bring it for fishing."
These few lines are enough to define my life.
Let me tell you my story from the beginning:
My education started at the BRAC school next to my house. If I hadn't gone to BRAC school, I wouldn't have been able to pass up to class five. Books and notebooks were given by the school authorities.
I would go to my father after school. Dad used to pull the goods in the van. I would push from behind. Suddenly one day while carrying a sack on his back, his father got back pain and he had to stop working. Some days of extreme uncertainty begin.
Mother used to heat water in a rice pot. It would be day and night, but my father could not come home with rice. Sometimes my mother would go to different houses to borrow rice ... some would give, some would not. How many days have passed that I fell asleep after drinking that water.
I was admitted to Jahangirabad High School keeping in mind the uncertain future. The thought of becoming a doctor-engineer did not come to mind even then. I just wanted to get out of this poverty. I used to read books from the village adolescent library for literary knowledge and encouragement. Although the books were for girls only, I told the librarian to take the books with me.
Dad used to leave the van and work in a paddy field. Dad had asthma. When my father could not go to work due to illness, I would go and work for him. From a young age, cutting and planting paddy was at their fingertips. I wanted to come to Bogra before, but not to study .. to work in a paddy field.
I passed SSC with GPA five. In my eyes, the colorful dream of becoming a big man. At that time many people advised my parents to send me to Garments. That's what my parents wanted. Of course, what is their fault?
The eldest three sons all earn. But they are busy with themselves. No one wants to see old parents anymore. So their responsibility falls on my shoulders. I can't leave my old parents anymore.
I also harden my mind. After fleeing from the village, I was admitted to Mithapukur College with my cousin. And immediately the trouble started at home. I cycled 15 km for 3 months in a row and took classes in college. I didn't even have the courage to talk about wanting to get up at home.
However, somehow I managed to raise some money for some unknown purpose. I went to Mithapukur and got up. The cost of food was 1200 rupees per month. I used to get a salary of 1000 rupees by teaching a boy of class six there.
Although there were no problems with other subjects, I had to study maths privately. But how do I manage private money? I would go home on the last 3/4 days of every month. I used to earn tuition money by working as a mason. Even then I could not repay all the debts of sir. Jyoti Sir will still get 2500 rupees from me.
There was no money to fill out the form at HSC. Somehow my father borrowed money and filled out my form.
I also got GPA five in HSC with the blessings of God. Then came the time of admission war. Now comes a huge turning point in my life.
One sister asked me, "Where will I be admitted?"
I said, "I'm going to study honors at Carmichael College or get a degree somewhere."
Hearing this, he gave me some books related to medical admission test. That's when I thought of becoming the first doctor.
Come home and talk about my wishes.
My parents naturally did not agree with my wishes. They refused to pay for coaching. And I have not decided to commit suicide.
If Uncle Anish hadn't told me the words that day, I probably wouldn't be alive today.
I tried a lot that year. Tao did not get a chance in medical. I got a chance at Jagannath University. There is no micro loan of Tk 10,000 from Asha Bank for admission in varsity. But just two days after taking the loan, my father fell ill. The father was admitted to Rangpur Medical College and the money was spent on his father's treatment.
I came home after my father's treatment. My mind is still restless. One day I would treat my father myself, I used to dream of this.
At this time I started a kind of mental torture on my parents. I tell them, "I need 30,000 rupees. I'm going to coach. And if you don't pay, I'll leave you and run away somewhere."
I have never seen my parents so helpless. They sold four hundred acres of land in the house and gave me 30,000 rupees.
I also promised that I would commit suicide if I didn't get a chance in medical school. My uncle Anish wanted to help me financially at that time. But I reject that.
I say, "I'll contact you as soon as I get a chance in medicine. Never again."
Finally in 2015 I got a chance in medical. And overwhelmed with joy, I called Anish Kaku.
Finally,
Family is a very important place in human life. My three older brothers could have smoothed the path of my life if they wanted to. But they did not help me at all. Even after getting the chance, Bara Baudi said, "What will happen to you with money? You will not see us in the future."
I never asked for any financial support from anyone. Because my own brothers did not do what they could to help me. I called to find out, but they thought I had called to borrow money.
But now I turn around. I do tuition. I earn money by myself, I feed my family.
The only regret is,
My father died in 2016. He couldn't see me being a doctor. When I give the final proof in a few days, he will surely look at it from the other side and weep with joy and pride.
Even in this lockdown, I came home and cut paddy. I still like to meet my own needs.
I just want to tell everyone that suicide at any stage of life cannot be a solution. My uncle Anish saved me on that journey, but most of the helpless students in the country do not have Anish Kaku in their lives.
I tell them, no matter what life is like, no matter how dark the night may be ... a beautiful dawn will come after that night.
We have to suffer for that morning. You have to work hard. You have to adapt to bad times.
Hard work never goes in vain! The Creator sees everything from above.
Napoleon rightly said, "Impossible is a word to be found in the fools dictionary."
-Ratan Chandra Mohant
25th batch.
Final Year: Shaheed Ziaur Rahman Medical College, Bogra.
-Humans of SZMC
(Collected post)
