weary nights to endure, rickety joints of my aging junk bed— complaining with its heavy load; memories, thoughts, faces bombarded the four corners of this vacuous dungeon. engrossing tug-of-war between insanity and reality, i can't breathe. i'm losing myself, i'm getting lost. the deafening resonance of lifelessness is the only music i'm trapped in, hushed oblivion could hear as darkness pervades the night with absolute melancholy.
i looked at the sky to see what exists between the stars and galaxies, exploring the gap of each atom, experimenting the canyon of intergalactic lacuna, undergoing a vacuum state, finally reaching the quantum void. the sound of deadness reverberated the whole place, and if you'll dive into the ultimate void, there you could find the place where unexpressed feelings and unsaid thoughts song in— the saddest place i've ever known. silence. i'm living in silence. i've been left behind in nothingness. i loved listening to music. but i once asked myself what's my favorite one; i like something calming, something that could make my heart beats fast in a nice way, that could comfort me, that could make me chill like i'm in a cloud nine, that could be a lullaby in my ears; then i realized, it was your voice. i was just describing your voice. your voice will never not my favorite music. i always want to hear it. i always want to listen to it again and again and again. it's constantly in my head and i couldn't get enough of it. however, you're the sad song that always make me feel the illusion of poetic nostalgia that could eventually turn into an unfathomable lethal chest pain and yet, i'd still never get tired listening to. but sadly, i'm just that plain and not-so-pleasing song you always skipped without knowing you're missing one of the best songs you could ever discover. perhaps, together, we are just both notes under the same music but are dancing with different melodies.
i couldn't open the room of my fortitude for i lost its key in the middle of deep, vehement ocean. i'm stuck in the room of forlornness. i couldn't get out of this dungeon, sadness is like a maze with no escape. i can't put into words how devastated, nuked, annihilated, rubbed out and pulled down i am. i can't still believe things and i guess, no matter how much i try i wouldn't be able to. they say what belongs to you will always find its way back to you. i believe in it because you're like the shore and i'm the waves in the sea, no matter how far i wander, i'll always find my way back to you. but something confused me, why you didn't? why you didn't come back the way i did? please tell me why, because i can't understand. i cherished you a lot that i forgot to reserve something for myself. in this world where everyone strives for perfection, you are my mistake. thereupon, i keep on asking myself, if i'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that i am?
i felt a bang in my chest.
after all, we are all just lost souls who found our missing pieces to each other and became each other's companion in the pitch dark world in chase for our real destination and as we reached the end of our mutual path, that's when we'll finally part ways and everything will fall right back as nothing but memories. it's a bittersweet pill to swallow but i have to accept the truth that we are only bound to meet but never bound to end up with and we're just now a strangers with associated strings, strangers with shared history but still, i miss you the same. i'm missing you the way moon misses the sun in its daily chase, silently wishing for that ecliptic day to finally come.
i've already seen many eyes, but it was only yours i got trapped and drowned, so yes. loving is a punishment and falling inlove is a prison.
Nice article