I have been having problems sleeping lately. I guess you can owe it to being a mom. But sometimes, it seems more than just being a mom is the cause.
My husband....looking at him now....its crazy but I rarely see him cuddle our kids while sleeping. He did admit that we may have 3 kids but us being apart technically makes him a first time father now that we're together.
And it sucks... :(
And still looking at him now, it feels like that problem doesn't just cover our kids... It kind of affects me too.
I hate it when he just turns his back on me when we're next to each other at bedtime. Call me crazy but I wake up when he suddenly does that.
And not just during bedtime does he seem to have a problem attaching himself..but even when we're busy making love or even simply being romantic to each other.
Case in point. I hug him while he's doing dishes. He pushes me back saying he's busy or he's icky. Jeez....when he does it to me for a second or two, I stop what I'm doing and cling to him. He breaks off first at that. Kind of sad...
Next, after making love, he'll just throw a clean towel at me to clean up and walks off. If that's not cold, I don't know what is.
Sometimes I wonder what is really going on between us? Are we really a married couple or we're just doing the motions of a couple who unfortunately got married. And I'm not flattered for even a second when he goes on trying to compliment me that he married me because I was smart unlike the other girls he knew that were just pretty.
Its not a compliment in my ears...its more like pity.
Because my ex said the same thing to me and it hurt me a lot because I am not a candidate for a man's heart because I am physically attractive. I am a candidate because they want to reproduce kids who are smart because I am smart and come from a family who happens to be one too.
Who's to say when my husband finds someone both attractive AND smart, he won't leave me?i'm only as good as the next woman and that's not a very comforting idea.....
And to cap off how this situation is making me sleepless at night....I can't help but wonder if my husband is just stupid of he know what he's doing but is just pretending not to know... He's old schoolmates in highschool are flirting with him but he would tell me its nothing and he never likes those girls anyway. This one girl even had the gall to simply put...tell my husband she would treat him out when he visits them. Treat HIM only. I've had enough experience with those kind of remarks that I know that she's flirting with him and its not exactly comforting me how he replied HE'LL HOLD ON TO THAT PROMISE.
Either he's dense or he's passing off such remark as an innocent one. And its not just because I have done the same before....I have seen countless chats from other girls on his facebook account to know its not as innocent as one might think and so is his reply.
Sometimes I wish my brain would stop overthinking things and my heart to stop hurting so much....