I do not want to live in fear. I don’t want to think that it should be like this, that’s what I do to ‘save’ myself from what will eventually happen.

I used to be a very religious person, when I was young. I believe in God, in Jesus, in the saints, watching Superbooks on Saturdays, and I do not fail to go to church on Sundays. I also share in reading passion, 'cause in the procession during Holy Week.

What I just don’t understand is my own clan. They are mixed with beliefs. Tito Art and Tita Alice, members of a "religion" from Dinagat, and not a year goes by that they do not go there to get what they call "miracle water." It comes from a waterfall near the religious compound itself that is said to cure any disease.

They made me drink when I had appendicitis, stabbed them with a sharp object that they did not 'show', and it served as a "releaser" to my feelings, said Aunt Alice. I have an ulcer. The doctors said that my disease was not an ulcer, but appendicitis. My whole family even argued about whether I should have surgery or not, because my illness was just… ulcer. They want to take me home. It's a good thing Dad didn't agree. I was healed by surgery, and not by that miracle water.

Until I found out that Papa had long been a member of a "cult" from Albay, that the members did not leave that place and lived there until they died. They are said to be preparing for the return of the Lord Jesus Christ. I said to myself, "Why are they doing this to themselves, they can just be good people, right?"

I don't know, because I have witnessed many hypocrisy by religious people. Even I jumped at religion and became a hypocrite. Someone was visiting my Jehovah's Witnesses back then, and they were fine. I also visited their Kingdom Hall three times, and it was fine. Until Dad got bored with them because it was as if the Witnesses were "taking" me to join them instead of joining what he believed. They never came back.

We moved house and we had neighbors who were members of Iglesia ni Cristo - the other one, obviously just forced to join and almost no longer worshiped, so one day the ministers visited him there and talked to him, then my mother played online games. He was forty years old at the time.

Your other neighbor, on the other hand, is enthusiastic about their family role. Mother told me to worship, Dad agreed because it was free. 'They set me free on board their Tamaraw, for food, sometimes they even knock on our door to give us a dish, for me. Until I decided to indoctrinate, but it was like I was just on a trip, not really serious. The day they picked me up I heard they had an accident, the car broke down, and we moved in again.

I just don’t really realize why they are like that.

I had another experience: a woman invited us to attend their worship service, and she informed us, so I went with my friend Jocel. When we arrived, we were surprised because everyone in the queue was being baptized. I said that is not possible because we do not know what they are still teaching. Case we do not want to be released. Fortunately, a car arrived and when the big gate opened, the two of us pulled up together in a jeep on the way home.

Maybe I'm the problem, because I might just complain too much. But no, I'm full, there are too many questions in my brain. Everyone claims that they are the true religion. We live in a community full of Muslims. I was also invited there, because what they teach is sacred and I will be a good person. Two days ago, there were dead men in front of their mosque, said to be "assets" who were monitoring what they were hiding.

I also have a Christian friend. I also visited their worship building. He said to pray every day to clear his conscience and sin - until he borrowed my watch and never showed up again. Then my Science teacher will teach religion first, God made the world, then when it comes to his subject, it will be said that the Big Bang made the world. We also had a pastor who said it was forbidden to have sex, but I was sitting next to a tricycle with brandy longneck and yummy.

I thought, I need an answer, so I read philosophy books and I was enlightened there. That I do not need religion to be a good person, that I can no longer live in fear that I will go to hell if I do not worship any god they say. I am not saying that it is bad to have a religion, but with so many of them, and what they teach is all wrong and angry, its members and even the world are getting more and more confused.

I do not want to live in fear. I don’t want to think it should be like this, that’s what I do to “save” me from what will eventually happen. I do not want to live forever; I also don't want to live again just in case. I just want to enjoy life.

My family and clan know the state of my beliefs today. They often laugh at me, because they say it's cool and "in" is not religious. But I just let it go because I have a deep reason why. I hope the stigma of people regarding atheists like me disappears. We are not demons and immoral people; we are just as simple as you. I hope you do not treat us as if we were an infectious disease.