We must forgive for your own sake

Are there people you cannot forgive? People who have hurt you a lot and made you feel sad... Do you realize that you are hurting yourself by not forgiving them? Some people perceive the act of forgiveness as putting up with what has happened to us and insist on not forgiving those who have hurt them. However, forgiveness is a liberating act that brings relief to the forgiver.

According to various studies, forgiveness can be good for both our physical and psychological health. For example, a 2016 study by Toussaint is the first to provide prospective, longitudinal evidence that forgiveness is associated with less stress and thus better mental health. The same research suggests that forgiveness strategies can have beneficial effects on stress and health. The Forgiveness report published at the United Nations by the American Psychological Association also shows that the act of forgiveness makes people happy. Some studies have also linked the act of forgiveness with lower blood pressure levels.

I am sure you have good reasons not to forgive that person or people who have wronged you and made you unhappy. But if not forgiving them jeopardizes your health or makes you unhappy, don't you think you are being unfair to yourself? Every time you think about that person or people, you tense up, you feel this tension in your body and soul. Do your body and soul a favor starting today. Decide to forgive the person or people you cannot forgive.

Most people avoid the act of forgiveness, thinking that forgiveness will mean that the person they hate is blameless or justified. But please remember that by forgiving that person, you are not justifying them, you are removing your negative feelings and thoughts about them.

The goal here is to forgive, to invite freshness into you, to feel much happier and to protect your health. Again, forgiveness should not be perceived as continuing our relationship with the person we want to forgive or making up with them if we don't talk to them. We can forgive a person, but we can also remove that person from our lives or continue not to talk to them.

Another reason that stops us from forgiving may be that we don't want to confront the person we are forgiving. If you want to forgive someone, you don't necessarily have to confront them and tell them that you forgive them. We can also do it from within ourselves. How? By writing a letter that you will never send to that person.

Sit in your favorite corner of your home. Take your herbal tea, if you like it, and the paper and pen you will use to write your letter. After taking a sip of your tea and then a deep breath, start writing down all the feelings you have for the person you want to forgive. What would you say to him/her if he/she were in front of you right now? Why can't you forgive him/her? Write it all down. Once you are sure that you have spilled your guts, read what you have written.

How do these burning feelings make you feel? In which part of your body do you feel the inability to forgive? Yes, you were wronged, yes, that person hurt you a lot. But are you sure you want to continue living with these bad feelings? If you are ready to forgive, you can continue with the second part of our exercise.

Forgiveness, like everything else, will take time. But at least now you have taken a step towards forgiveness. Please congratulate yourself. If you find it difficult to deal with these issues on your own, do not forget to seek support from our psychologists. I wish you days in which you benefit from the goodness of forgiveness...