Pessimist o Realist?

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Written by

rebeysa85

I'll just say...watakatapitusberry.....

2 years ago

In community: Just Write(e5e5)

Topics: Free write, Life experiences, Learnings, Mental Health, Daily life

What type of person are you?

The one who always has high hopes and expectations?

Or the one who always thinks about the worst-case scenario even when the occasion doesn't call for it?

Growing up, I was a very shy little girl, I was a bit of an outcast and introverted and everyone who tried to get close to me got shot down with a snaky comment on my part. Later as an adolescent, I started to try getting out of my shell but, it was difficult because I was bullied a lot because of my weight. Still, to cope with it, I made fun of myself to make those bullies stop by taking away the satisfaction of making fun of me because if I make fun of myself they'll lose interest and give up.

However, all those things ended up developing heavy trust issues, I always was thinking the worst of anyone who tried to get close to me because I came to believe that it was a way to get me afterward, and in some cases, I was proven right. The years went by, I became an adult and decided to change my view of the world that surrounded me at the time, I was always perky and fun and trusting, everybody was good, everybody was my friend and I was happy until I got betrayed by those closest to me in a moment when I needed them most, that was when I got diagnosed with fibro.

The depression of having an incurable disease was unbearable, but to have no one to count on was worse; I have spoken of this before, very candidly actually, and there's no shame in that at least not anymore now that I have made my peace with all that. But it did take me back to a state of lack of trust in my surroundings, I started to keep things to myself again and isolated from everyone, so as to not be hurt anymore.

I focused on myself, my studies, and my work and I healed, but I came to realize that most of the time, I had pessimist thoughts about almost anything, for example, it's going to rain equals I'll get wet and I'll get a cold, or a teacher decided to give me back my test last equals I failed the test, and stuff like that. So when I got my job at the Foundation and some of my peers asked for my opinion on a subject, I kept quiet because I thought I wasn't going to do any good by expressing the worst-case scenario my mind could think of, given the facts on the table.

Later on, talking with the lady who was in charge of the payroll at the time, she encouraged me to speak my mind without boundaries, and she made sure that I was comfortable enough to express myself plainly and let it all out. It was about a recurrent case in our workplace and the experience has thought me, and all of us, what to expect. Then she said something that changed my mindset completely:

You are not a pessimist, you're a realist and that's fine.

Why did that phrase change me?

I started to think about all those times I said to myself that I was thinking in a very pessimistic way, I was not being pessimistic, I was seeing things like they were, plain and simple, and I realized that those thoughts came true most of the time. I mean, if you lend money to someone and they don't pay you back, and time passes and that same person asks you for a loan again, it's not pessimistic on your part to think that the same thing will happen again, right?

Or if your boyfriend or girlfriend cheats on you and later asks for forgiveness and you give it but have that thought in the back of your head that they will likely do it again, it doesn't mean that you are being pessimistic, is just the realization that experience tells you that it might as well happen again, and so on...

I'll give you this, is not healthy to always think of the worse thing that could happen, or to always think that someone is out to get you just because, we always have to keep a positive mind and think that all things will resolve for the better, but, it isn't wrong to also think: What if instead of the best outcome you get the opposite? What will you do? So I developed a middle point between the two, I keep positive thoughts but keep the opposite there, out in the open, I prepare myself for both outcomes so I can be prepared to act accordingly, and it has worked well for me.

I'll give you this example; a few weeks ago my boss and I were arguing about an upcoming activity we have and my reluctance to invite a third party that always has pushed us back, and she told me:

It's like when you are going to start a new business, if you always think is going to fail, it will fail. There's no good in thinking of the worse because you are inviting the worse into your life.

I replied:

You are right but, when you start a business, you have to keep in mind the percentage of risk that said business contains because in life everything has its risks, we hope it won't come to that, but, if you put an ice cream parlor in the icecream parlor district, there is a chance you won't succeed unless you offer a better product, better prices, better customer service, better ambiance because if not, chances are that you won't last long and lose money.

That's my mindset, I don't think ill of everyone, but I go with my instinct, it has been one of my best friends throughout my life, especially when it comes to those who I know very well and know what to expect of them, thinking, God willingly that I'm wrong, but prepared for the blow when and if it comes.