Not sick enough.

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I'll just say...watakatapitusberry.....

7 months ago

Medical Gaslighting: “Medical gaslighting is when somebody presents with symptoms that are ignored or dismissed, chalked up to anxiety or imagination, possibly told they’re too young to develop cancer or chronic illness, and having their symptoms minimized without being properly addressed,”

Dr. Robyn Roth, breast health expert and board-certified radiologist.

When I was little I hated going to the doctor. Maybe because I didn't like to be touched or just felt too sick to deal with all the drama, or I knew a shot came along around the corner. All I know is that I got better, every time I had something and Mom and Dad took me to see a doctor and he or she prescribed anything, I got better.

As I got older that changed, a lot. I mean, I still didn't like it but if I had to I went, but it was very frequent to leave the doctor's office without being examined, so I stopped. Then came the Fibromyalgia but not before spending a year or so between consults, and tests and so many doctors who looked at me like I was crazy. I developed anxiety and depression, you all know that, and eventually learned to manage my illness the best way I could.

However, about two years ago something started to change, and since we were still living with the COVID aftermath, I couldn't ignore it.

I began taking simple blood and urine samples just to see if my values were normal and they weren't, however, they were not seriously altered either. But I mean, high Lymphocyte count and blood in the urine, that's not normal, right? So I took them to a public practitioner and they told me that was nothing, that I was fine, my low fever, fatigue, pain, etc, it was just the Fibro acting out and I said, never ever ever my fibro produced fever in normal circumstances much less blood in my urine.

Still, I was discarded.

Months later the same thing happened again, only worse, so I took another test: The RA Test and ASTO/ASLO.

I did those because I had a doctor who told me long ago that I should keep an eye on them due to my medical history. Surprise, the RA came normal, but the ASTO/ASLO came back at 400 (normal value is 200 or less).

Once again I took it to a public practitioner who said: WOW that's high!

...and that was it. Nothing more.

By January I had another complication: Abdominal pain that got worse with food.

I was hospitalized for a week, and no treatment did any good. The only thing that stopped the pain was simply to stop eating. I saw a gastroenterologist, 3 in fact, one of them said Hey, you look better the treatment must be working, and I said, I look better because I'm not eating, and she laughed.

Finally, they told me I had a misplaced fart.

No endoscopy, colonoscopy, nothing was prescribed, even with me screaming from the pain, saying the treatment didn't work, and that I couldn't eat because that caused flare-ups.

Nothing, they dismissed me.

I had to adjust, so I started to eat despite the pain, but in fewer quantities and frequency. A piece of bread in the morning or fruit or 50 grams of cereal, and maybe a little arepa at night after work. I lost weight (the only fun part of all of this) but I pulled myself together and moved on.

By November last year, my blood pressure was below 80, I still had blood in my urine, pain in my stomach, and a high Lymphocyte count. I didn't go to the doctor this time, I'll deal with it by myself.

Then, in February 5th, 2024, I was again in the emergency room with sore neck pain, nausea, dizziness, disoriented, extremely fatigued, unbalanced, etc. Gladly the doctor who saw me then examined me a little ordered an X-ray and prescribed a B12 complex and a muscle relaxant. I did the whole treatment and got worse. I went to a traumatologist and he didn't even touch me, he said that I had to go to a neurologist because my cervical spine was too straight. As for the other symptoms as soon as I mentioned Fibromyalgia he said: that's it, keep your stress low, exercise more and you'll be fine.

A friend who's a doctor in Spain sent word and ordered a full blood panel, a urine sample, and the ASTO/ASLO test again. Again, blood in my urine without signs of infection, ASTO/ASLO at 800 this time, high Lymphocyte count.

You have a strep infection she said. A what? Yes, a strep infection since 2022.

Later on me and my mom managed to gather the money to see a private physician. That woman did her homework, she examined me head to toe. She ordered another test that included a Colonoscopy to get a sample of my colon and check for polyps or even cancer. A test to check my kidney functions and find out why blood all the time, and tests for Lupus, Thyroid imbalance, Arthritis, and Diabetes.

The special blood work still doesn't explain the high lymphocyte count but it showed a kind of anemia, normocytic normochromic anemia, that as she explained says there's an autoimmune disease that has nothing to do with Fibro because Fibro doesn't show anywhere.

Then I went to the Social Security Hospital to validate my medical leave, and I had to go through a medical examination, which of course doesn't involve examination at all, just them asking questions and babbling s*** with the nurses. So, I told my tale, and they referred me to a psychiatrist because what I have is unmanaged Anxiety and Depression.

What the hell?

Ah, during all of this, people asked questions:

You're still sick?

You have to do your part...

Why don't you see my doctor?

No girl, look for a husband, go to the beach and you'll see that goes away.

And the best one came from my boss:

If I were to decide just by looking at you I'd say you're fine because you don't look sick.

What can I think about that?

I don't look sick enough to be taken seriously, I don't look sick enough to be worth the trouble, I just don't look sick enough.

Anxiety and Depression are real, mental illness is real.

But in my case is not what's wrong. I know my body, I know how it works, and I know something is wrong. If a psychiatrist asks me right now what my trigger is I'll say is them, is the whole health care system that is broken. They became administrative puppets, just check a box on a paper sheet to cover the daily quota and that's it. In the meantime, people with much worse symptoms than mine have died because the medical practitioners decided that if you don't look sick enough, it's nothing, it's just in your head.