June 23, 2022 = 2:52 PM = Philippines
Today, I feel grateful for the sound of the pouring rain. My sister said it is relaxing but for me it triggers my thoughts. I do not want to think of negative things so I will just pour here together with the sound of the pouring rain the thoughts I have been thinking lately.
I am already in my mid 20s and yet I have this feeling that I might not be able to achieve the things I truly want like traveling abroad not for the sake of living there but for the sake of travel itself. I want to pay back the greatness my parents did for me. I know it is not my responsibility but it sometimes hit me when I am being selfish. I must do something good for them too. But with what I have right now and my current situation I don't think I can do that.
I stopped working recently. I thought I would be able to get my dream job, to go abroad and work there. My boyfriend and I were planning to go to that specific country but it seemed like he is the only one qualified. For me to be qualified I need to take a diploma course then secure the show money that mostly ranges from 200-250 thousand pesos and our family doesn't have that kind of money at the moment. Either I will borrow from my relatives or will just accept the fact that I am not applicable for that.
I am not the one who gives up easily but given the circumstances, I know there are a lot of things ahead of me that I have yet to have or to explore and I am pretty much excited for those things. I do not want to pursue the things that are not meant for me. If anything, opportunity, love, or other stuff are for me then the universe will not let me have it in a difficult way. Correct me if I am wrong with this kind of mindset. I love learning new stuff and thanks to other people's perspectives, I have seen different lives and point of views.
It has been one year when I created my account here but I haven't written anything yet. This time I will pour out everything I feel here. I will try to make this as my online diary. I will write here the things I could not even say to my other socials.
I miss writing like how I miss the sunny days. I may not be the best writer but I write from the heart. I also miss the brighter days in life where I get to spend a lot of time with my family and friends without thinking about money. Is this really adulting? Or is this a part of a quarter life crisis? Either way, it feels odd to feel this way. The only thing I keep on thinking is how to get rich and how to acquire money in legal ways.
This is getting lengthy. How should I end these thoughts? I cannot. For now I will be doing household chores so bye. Thank you for reading this. Next time I will be writing in Tagalog/Filipino so I can express myself and my thoughts better.
Maraming salamat.