@rayselp 6 July 2021

Why worry?

I am a worrier. I tend to worry about the future, about what might happen, about my career and life choices, about my future family, about my finances, almost about everything. I always worry about tomorrow that sometimes I neglect to be in the moment. I realized that I am really a worrier because when I submitted my application to the scholarship program, I worry about the consequences of it - having to give up my full-time job because it will not be favorable to the institution to keep me if I intend to leave. I worry about my financial capacity, I have a lot of responsibilities aka bills that I need to pay monthly. How will I be able to pay for all of these? So, when I requested the administrators to let me stay (and get paid) until the day of my supposed departure, I know that it was a long shot. I was desperate because I know I don't have enough savings to be able to get through the months. So, the worrier and the *sigurista* in me decided to look for other jobs that would compensate the salary that I am getting from my full-time job. Thankfully, in a span of less than a week, I was launched to an online English tutorial class. It doesn't pay that much, but I started with a few, like 3 classes per day only, and gathered some regulars. But even if I have this job, I am still thinking of it only as a part-time, that's why I don't open a lot of slots, 12 is the maximum in a weekend. Again, it doesn't pay much, and I have to put a lot of effort, so, it makes me tired, actually. Yet, I am still thankful that I get to save little amounts from time to time. Read.cash too is a blessing. My brother invited me last year to this platform, I was able to write a few articles but stopped because I got too busy with my full-time job. This year, with the thoughts of not having enough funds, when he encouraged me to just write anything under the sun, I grabbed it and found myself writing anything under the sun, without any draft. Just what pops into my mind. Most are all my thoughts, my day-to-day experiences, my struggles, and well, anything really. So, this is also a fruit of me being a worrier. Apart from the English tutorial company that I applied for, I also applied to some publishing companies and tried to become a content editor or even a content writer. I did not expect that they will respond to my application until after a month, I received an invitation to a webinar, as part of the application process. I attended, I submitted the requirements and the assignment given to us, and voila! I am now a talent of the publishing company as a developmental and content and language editor. Why did I grab it? Because I worry. So, does this mean that because of my worrying, I was able to land to these different opportunities in a short span of time? Actually, no. It's not because of worrying. It's more about having faith and trusting Him that He will give me what I deserve in the right place, at the right time. Sure, I believe that faith without works is dead... I believe that He allowed me to see these opportunities because He knew that it will sustain me in the coming months when I have to file for a leave of absence from my full-time job. It was His hands that orchestrated all these, and if not for Him, I may be just sitting there, in my comfort zone, just waiting for the next salary to come. For the first time in a long time, I am relearning about two things: Hard work - Everything comes with a price. I realized that I have to work hard to achieve what I desire to be and to achieve. Faith in Him - Trust that He will give me what I long and desire for, in His own time, by His own means. I realized that I just have to trust Him and not let worry rule my life. Because only through Him, I will be able to gain strength and wisdom to do hard work to be able to achieve what I have to be and what I have to achieve. I really like the song "Your Love is Strong" by Jon Foreman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-g4uwQlXKw Sharing with you my favorite part of the song lyrics: `I walk to the meadow and stare at the flowers` `Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day` `So why should I worry, why do I freak out?` `God knows what I need. He knows what I need.` He knows what we need, we just have to trust Him and do our part. Worrying will only lead us to nowhere. It's hard, but it's the right thing to do.