Another post, will you notice me? Religious ramblings.

Let me post again. I am here already. Let me just post something more. Nobody seems to be interacting or engaging with my first post. I guess my attempt is futile. I should have just asked those during the so-called encounter.

I am in constant confusion. I thought I am okay with one religion. After few months of going to the most recent I saw the inconsistencies.

I know that nobody is perfect. I will always seek the truth. I learned how to pray. I will ask the Lord for enlightenment. I should not hate other people. Their understanding is also limited. I will forgive their inconsistencies because I myself don't know many things. I will search nonstop.

When I was in the province, I was a devoted Catholic. I go to mass whenever I can. It is not that regular but whenever I get the chance I would go to the church.

I was even a convent girl when I was in high school. Only one year as convent girl but I was.

During those years that I was Catholic, I never questioned so much of my faith. I was just simple as faithful. My faith was that strong that when I was in dire situations I would always seek Him.

Little did I expect that that faith died down right after I came here at the city. That was almost two decades ago. It really was not a steadfast faith after all.

What did I lack? What did I not know?

I have to admit, I lack the foundation. If we were lectured before or they tried to make us understand, I don't recall anymore the lessons. I remember a lot of seminars before but I was mindless. Hence, I understood that it had something to do with the church people involved. If I would, I want to recommend that church volunteers will do better.

It is after all a personal journey. Our faith. No one can dictate what we believe in. Especially if there are doubtful things. What is needed is nonstop seeking of truth. With faith. With hope. Forgiving of others, and doing best to do one's part.

I am not an activist when it comes to asking questions. Yesterday during the conference entitled truth encounter, I didn't know I had a lot of questions. I just realized it after I got home. I was so shaken I did not go to mass today.

A few months ago, my faith was again restored. I began praying again. I began going to mass. I attended conferences and seminars. Until the encounter yesterday. Which made me question again the truth.

What is the truth?

What should I believe in?

I am doing good now. Why was it challenged yet again?

I do not want to wander yet again. Into the nothingness. Into the abyss.

I do not wish to experience again the dark times.

So it is for the sake of getting relieved that I am writing. After this, I will again go to mass. I will keep my faith in tact. I will always ask guidance from Him. No matter what, I cannot let my faith go. This is the only thing I have right now. Money? Gone. Reputation? Good but could be better. Career? Could go bad when I am not careful.

Hence I have to always be faithful.

The benefits of being faithful is we do things religiously to the point of being on good mood steadily. Here at home, I have stopped shouting. I became more gentle. I read my bible. And so on and so forth.

I will therefore, be careful in complaining. Maybe, the truth is just around. I will just have to open my eyes, my heart, my ears in order to see, to feel and to hear.

If I recall, the incident which led me to going back to faith was when our new neighbor invited people to celebrate their going to their new home. They invited their friend. While their friend invited spiritual leaders. At dinner, I was mesmerized by how those visitors prayed. I asked for regular bible study. They agreed. Until it went on when I asked them where their church is. I then went regularly ever since except this day. I was so affected I came here to tell my story. Anonymously.

I am not so strong to express my feelings outwardly. I want anonymity. Hoping I will be able to express this to proper authorities.

The speakers yesterday certainly lacked the knowledge of what they were talking about. It so happened I read things here and there so I was more knowledgeable at least in that topic. Coincidence. If it happened I didn't know the topic, I would just have believed them. But the situation has been tricky. Could it be to tempt me to go back to that way I was when I was in the darkness? That I do not know.

For the nth time I would like to remind myself to never let go of my faith. Since I already know the basics, I will work on it. If I really am what I claim to be, then I should not be a coward. I will research more and more and be able to clarify things with everyone. I will learn more not to debate with people. Instead to make more people be appreciative of the truth. If their ever is better truth.

This is no ramblings. These are my sincere thoughts. Till next then.