I learned to live without your presence

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Avatar for rafaelperez
3 years ago

ood afternoon, respected members of this community, today is my first time writing my publication in my Journal.There are days of days, where memories flutter and stir dormant feelings, moments with my father, that will not return.

I will tell you about an exemplary man in my life, what a joke when one realizes that when the family member is not present. His name was RAFAEL ANTONIO PÉREZ SANDOVAL, this is my father's name.

He was a humble, honest and correct person, unfortunately 16 years ago he left this earthly plane. With that much sacrifice he raised his children with his wife of all life, I remember that we lived in a very humble area, where with great effort and love we climbed, he carried us forward with great courage and work.

Nació en Los Teques – edo. Miranda, fue el mayor de sus hermanos, pertenecía a una familia con escases económica, huérfano de madre, sólo se crió con su padre, por ende desde muy pequeño tuvo que salir a trabajar para ayudarlo para llevar la provisión al hogar.

Photo of my father with us hus childrens

When he grew up he became an innkeeper, as we can imagine a very strong and self-sacrificing job, since in many cases it involved night work. A father from the old school, where he had to support 8 siblings (I include myself there), worked overtime to be able to get ahead.

Photo with my mother...

Now, 2005 was the hardest year of my life, since it was the year of the unexpected physical departure of my father, apparently he was not ill, but as one might suppose the unfortunate consequences of work nights and cigarettes, brought on my dad a sad and untimely end in his life.

The day before December 7, 2005, I had an argument with my father, he was barely 60 years old, both of strong character, I was immature, I wanted to impose myself and try to make him understand that he was not right about something, that's how it happened On the day, we did not solve our differences, and it was the next morning, that is, on 07-12-2005, when he feels bad (chest pain), we talk to each other, and he asks me to take him to the clinic, He bathed, shaved, fixed himself, we went straight to the clinic, in the truck he tells me that he still has severe pain in his chest.

When we finally got to the hospital emergency center, they treated him, the dr, raised the story asking a series of questions, all of them answered without help, my father seems stable, my brothers and I dedicate ourselves to carrying out the administrative procedures For his admission, without knowing it at that time, my father had 3 heart attacks, but he did not pretend it, the treating doctor tells us that he is stable but that we should not neglect him, in view of that, we feel a great relief, the words of the doctor he lifted a weight off his shoulders, the concern was great.

The doctor gave us peace of mind, so much so that he told us that everything bad had happened, I trusted myself, and I went to the baseball stadium to buy tickets to later go to a game, we left the clinic, and halfway there , my mother calls us to tell us that my father had passed away, you can imagine the shock, the anger, they were an accumulation of feelings ...

At that moment we really almost went crazy, we arrived at the clinic and saw my father even in the emergency, but this time, still lifeless, I felt terrible, I had many things left to tell him, my mind took refuge in the night before, the discussion with him, not having been able to ask for his forgiveness, this has been one of the strongest pains of my life.

The fact that my father died without me being able to speak to him, that even while in the car, taking him to the clinic, I felt some resentment, but not one of those full of pride, no, but that immature, foolish, loving be right and not give my arm to twist. To then feel that slap that life gives me, an extremely difficult test where God confronts me and gives me the greatest lesson.

It was days and months of anger with myself, but it was too late, I could not do anything to turn back time, at that moment my mother was left alone, imagine that I did not do for her, I deposited in her all the love, straighten my feelings It is not that they were not present before, but it is typical that one believes that something like this could never happen to one, that from one moment to another one of your parents dies, that was unthinkable.

One of the lessons that this experience left me was that we as children must understand that our parents are older people, that we should not get involved in discussions that will not lead us anywhere, but rather, with wisdom and at the right time, Let them understand that there is another point of view, without attacks, showing them that their perspective is valid, but that our opinion can also contribute to solving things more easily.

This is the best advice that I always tell my children, I give them as an example my case, so that they do not live this bad experience that I lived 16 years ago, but rather from my mistakes they can learn such difficult and hard life lessons .

Today, I have left behind the feelings of guilt, I know that wherever he is he forgave me, I remember him beautiful, happy, how I miss him and I love him very much. I know that I will never be able to give him that hug that he expected from me, nor will I be able to express my love to you through words, I did not do it before, because my inexperience told me that you assumed it, which is wrong. But I know that in my heart you are always and will be present.

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