I am sorry but I can’t bring them with me —the memories. They hold our happiest days and everything in between. They hold my vulnerable days as well, how I did things for the sake of proving my love for you. They also hold my faith in love, how you made me feel that I was enough and I was loved, and how I stopped needing anybody because I had you.
Just as much as I wanted to keep them, I know they have their automatic repeat button where they all flashes back when I was in desperation to get rid of them because the pain was just too hefty for me to carry silently. They reminded me about the times I wish I could bring back but I know everything was just too impossible. They bring back everything —how happy we used to be, how we always chose each other despite the fights. They also bring back your lies, how I forgave you, how it loosens my trust, how I had my first sight of anxiety, and how you kept repeating your mistakes knowing that I will always forgive.
I am sorry but I can’t bring our memories with me. Just as much as I want to, I know I should start freeing myself from carrying them alone. It was ours and not mine alone but it feels like it was just me, who still values them. It feels like it was just me who was left to cry with them.
So I will leave them to the same place that only the two of us know. I will pay a visit when I miss you but I will never bring them home with me.
Not again.
Not this time.
Words by Mica Meñez
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