I have my depression since 8 years sometimes it fades away but sometimes it remains that i cant handle my emotions.. I had 4 kids and they are still young my eldest is 8 yrs. old, a girl.i had 3 boys a 5 yrs old, 3 yrs old and a 1 yr old.. yes exactly! i still have my post partum depression! i dont know exactly how i will feel about my kids.. Dont get me wrong! most of my days of being a mother are good because i choose to be a mom in the first place.. But, there are days i want to regret having them and i want a peaceful for just a few minute.
Im dealing with myself alone. They just thought im okay because they see me smiling and looks like a real happy mom but they dont know whats real behind my emotions and i dont what them to see me weak as well,so im acting like im okay, im good. I dont talk this to my husband coz im afraid..im afraid that he might not understand me and he will just think that im just over reacting of myself. i just keep fighting from myself to think positive and to think about my kids for having them as a blessing and giving me a happiness with a twist of stress..hahaha
Dealing this PPD makes me weak and makes me a monster mom to my kids.. I feel guilty afterwards to them. right now, im trying to minimize and control my anger and at the same time i take a deep breath whenever i feel so stress dealing with them..Its hard but i need to deal with this..no one can help me lift up but only me and God.. I trust God and i know i can do this..
thank you for reading..i just want to express a little for myself although i dont write it all the happenings or missing piece because my laziness strike me up now..so again thank you for reading..i hope every people who have their depression will overcome this stage..and lets just pray and have faith in God..we can do this..