I don't know how I got here, but I guess it was because my BCH stock fell back to where I bought in this morning. I was on another forum trying to figure out what is happening with the market and somehow made my way here. I don't really know what here is, but all of life has felt like that lately. On October 17, after not having a drink or a sip of alcohol for four years, I started drinking again. It's not like it was before. When I was going through it last time I was in my mid-twenties, and I was a shit person. I would wake up every day and keep drinking through out the day so that I wouldn't vomit or shake. I was hospitalized so many times. When you're a tiny woman and you're found passed out on a sidewalk people call the police to get you help, not to arrest you. I was very lucky. This time it's not so bad. I still don't ever want to stop when I start, but I'm happy now and I do stop. This time I am happy with my life and I am happy with my partner. I want to be the best person I can be for him. I give him glimpses of what it was like four and a half years ago, I've shown him hospital records of being admitted three times with over a .5 BAC. I don't want to get help because I don't want to stop. Is it a problem though? Is it a problem if I can keep myself to drinking two nights a week and going to work in the mornings? It's just such a vast improvement from what life was like before I stopped that it doesn't seem as dangerous this time. People think I'm outgoing and fun again. I'm a shy little girl otherwise. A wallflower that other people think is too stuck up to have a decent conversation with. When I drink people tell me how much they love my personality and I make friends so easily. That's what I miss the most. In the past four years I wasn't able to match my personality sober with the outgoing, comfortable one that I had when I was drinking. Of course near the end I didn't go out to the bar anymore . Drinking was just to survive and move to the next day. It was a necessary vice so that I could write with a pencil or get out of bed. Where am I going?