How far you can do for your friends?
They say friends are the ones who you love to spend time with, the person that makes you feel comfortable to be with, and always there for good or bad times.
I just want to share my experience with me and my friends. I'm a high school student now and because of the COVID-19, we are currently studying by answering modules or online for other students. I always wanted to have a lot of friends but it makes me feel that I'm always forcing myself to be them, I have a best friend but they are not totally my best friend because I'm just like a third wheel when their main best friend come I'm just like nobody again.
Even now I really don't know the names of my classmates except for those who become my classmate for the past year. So I just talk to my old classmates, one thing is I got really excited when I found out my classmates are the persons I want to be closed with since they have their own circle of friends before I didn't try to be with them.
After few days of online school, we started chatting about activities, things to do like that. When they ask answers in the module especially in math I give my answers without hesitation. Not to brag but I'm an honor student since my elementary days and I always excel in the subject of math so I don't mind giving answers to those who need it. But I slowly notice that they always ask for answers every week( we pass and get our modules every week), I always think if they really trying to answer or think of it? I know this time it's really hard to study alone but it also teaches us to become more independent. I don't give answers a for exchange but the thing that makes me sad is when I ask some question to them it took them to see my messages for days or they change the topic every time I ask for something. I always give them the whole answer of modules but when it comes to me they don't help me. Also, the thing is all the time I think that I'm part of their friendship but I just found out that they don't invite me when they are going outside. They always say that we will help each other but I'm always the one who is giving to them.
And now I can't say NO to them even though I want to. I feel guilt without any reason, I just always think that I should not be friends with them at the very beginning. Maybe the destiny trying to avoid me to them before but I'm always the one who persists. On my mind, I just think they are just using me and I really don't feel comfortable when I chat with them or see them in school. Every time I always say that I won't give answers to them I always ended up saying that I will just do it next week.
This time I just realized that a small circle of friends or even one is enough, the important thing is you are comfortable with them, you always want to be with them, you trust them, and they are always on your side.
My Auntie said that I should have a lot of friends, but the answer in my mind I really don't need them because Im happy to be alone. My one close cousin is enough and also my family. I just think if someone comes then I will accept, I will try to know them but if they give red flags and I feel not comfortable with them I will just immediately end up our relation.
My priority for now is how to say NO and confront them about what I feel but I don't know where to start and what should I do. I really want to cut my relationship with them as soon as possible. I dont know why but I'm the type of person that if I don't want you, I really don't want to talk to you not showing a hate but just I don't want to be with you.
Thank you so much for reading! I hope you have a great day!
Can someone help me on what should I do?
Sorry for my bad english.
How about you, how far can you give to a friend?